REJECT!

OK so I have been applying for jobs for a while- certainly since early June when I FINALLY found out what my employers had decided in February bu declined to share with me- that my job was to be axed. I HAVE been equivocal about applying because of my fear of ending up working for yet another employer who doesn't know what they're doing, lack the conviction to achieve their stated aims or stop me from pursuing agreed aims when they become successful more quickly than they anticipated- or ever believed was actually possible. Nevertheless, the application I submitted were as sincere and enthusiastic as I could muster, I have occasionally applied for jobs I really wanted when I knew I wasn't totally 'qualified' but I was convinced I could do them well, but not this time. It is quite deflating not to have been shortlisted for ANY of them. One of the jobs was fund-raising for a LGBT charity with which I have had some ancient ties (though not directly with the branch in my city). I thought that my track record of having raised between £19m and £21m since 1985 would get me an interview at least. I very much doubt that there are many voluntary sector fund-raisers with a similar record in my region. When I didn't get shortlisted, I noticed that the job was still being advertised somewhere, weeks after the deadline had closed. Out of pure curiosity, I called and was told that one of the people doing recruiting had left and the person with whom I was talking didn't know if interviews had happened or anything. I thanked her and realised I'd dodged another bullet!

So, the rejection email had that standard phrase "We had a high level of applications submitted for this role and the skills and experience of other applicants more closely matched the job criteria."

What bollocks! Of course, I checked my application against the 'Person Spec' and Job Description and my 'crib sheet' against which I'd ensured my answers proved my experience of all the skills required. I was about to contact them asking for further details but... I remembered that I don't really want the job. If I was offered it and received the funds I'm seeking for CHN I'd want to leave which wouldn't be fair on the employer. But if I can't raise the funds, I will have no income and be forced to do almost anything to pay my bills...

I have to wonder what are the real reasons I'm not being shortlisted. The obvious red flag might be the several jobs I've left when I was at odds with the employers. The fact that I can produce evidence to corroborate that my reasons were founded AND that my development predictions have been accurate is irrelevant; I'm probably viewed as a troublemaker. Or it could be that I'm too old at 55 and-a-half, or that my field is predominately women-run or that my (bad) reputation precedes me.

I'm REALLY unimpressed with the standard of management and leadership I have experienced here- not that it was THAT different in London! I have worked for people who were dead chuffed to have an articulate black man at the ostensible front of their organisations but who freaked entirely when I began to actually implement the things I'd discussed at interview. I've worked for people who had no intention of delivering the things the organisation professed to aim to deliver but were cosily ensconced in 'the public eye' as "doing good"- util I came along and opened up new income streams, partnerships and responsibilities. I've served ineffectual people who know "the rules" and are able to nip behind them whenever they fuck up, which is almost as bad as inhibiting development and delivery to limit the risk that something might go wrong and become attached to their names. I have never claimed to be the world's best manager, but I know a bad one when I work for them. I DO believe my management style is superior to most of the people I've served since my first 'proper job' mainly because I am as honest about my limitations as I am enthusiastic about my aims and vision. I will never pretend that I'm 'on top of' something if I'm actually struggling and I will never seek blame let alone shift it to someone else. Always suspect the "perfect" manager!

I want to manage myself! I want to make my own mistakes- if mistakes they are and not tuck my tail between my legs and runaway at the first hint of risk. I am sick of stupidly allowing myself to become emotionally invested to the point of passion about the work I'm doing only to find myself at odds with the people for whom I'm working in support of the people I am serving. Just for once; I'd like to be in charge of all the resources I need to deliver the activities, events and services I know are needed and that any mistakes made (if any), will be my own!