Windfalls

I have this stupid feeling that because I feel my life has hit a nadir I should be entitled to a lottery win (LMAO). I KNOW nothing works like that but it should! Cashflow is a problem at the mo so it was nice this morning to receive a tax rebate larger than my monthly salary (VERY timely!) AND to find £20 in the back of my passport- I needed info from the pp for the government site login. I can't imagine what it was doing in there or how long its been there, but it was a welcome find!

 It was a quiet weekend for me. I am definitely regaining my equilibrium re my "Work-related stress and anxiety" but the more calm I become the more obvious it is that for me to continue doing what I am currently doing for money is for me to continue to be stressed and anxious. To be clear: its not that I am at odds with their development plans (I disagree with them but I'm not in opposition), it is because they have dropped the work I came there to do but want me to run their building for them. When I am forced to return to work nothing will have changed... But it has been good for me to review the issues and assess my responses to them. I am NOT the sort of person who seeks only to validate his original position: I DO seek better ideas than mine and to have my ideas challenged. I am more flexible in argument/conflict than I am given credit, I react with greatest hostility to the "Do as I say because I'm your superior" argument. People who try that one without explanation- who issue diktats to be obeyed have been the weakest and least efficient executives I've served or observed. I remember reporting to a particularly weak manager at the Regional Development Agency who told me that the project for which I raised £3m in my own time after she had refused its support was irrelevant and that some of the things I wanted to do were "impossible"... I did not raise my voice at all, I merely said to her that I understand that she didn't want me to do what I had suggested, but I objected to her saying that something I had done successfully throughout my 'career' was "impossible". She began to cry. THAT irritated me: she had tried to use her position to belittle me and because I hadn't given in, she used a feminine ruse... I suggested a recess whilst I went to get a coffee and it wasn't referred to again- until I secured the money (lol).

 I need to chase down a couple of people to whom I LENT money when I was "flush". Most of the beneficiaries of the £15,000 I ended up disbursing from the money I inherited from the sale of my mother's house (like my brother who blew through £85,000 before borrowing £5,000 from me based on lies) I don't expect to see again but there's maybe £5,000 that could be reclaimed so I'm going to 'chase' them this week.

 In the meantime, £2 will buy me a lottery ticket (a friend calls it "Stupidity Tax"!) because I have as much chance of winning as the next and I would love the cash to sort out Bridge House and to buy an estate to establish a residential People Centre with core community along the lines of Laurieston...

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