Friend's friends

My tolerance of intolerant people has never been that high but I think that of late it has fallen further. When I first met a friend of a friend who'd started espousing alarming theories about the "true" shape of the earth and that everything we have been taught about basic realities, history etc is a lie promulgated by the Rothschilds, Illuminati and rich Jews etc I realised this individual was the source. Logic is wasted on this guy; when faced with what a reasonable (sane?) individual might see as facts that challenge his fundamental beliefs he will dismiss them as "programmed responses" e.g. "The ISS doesn't exist", "Hubble images are faked", "GPS is fake"... 2 days after the massacre at the Pulse nightclub I arrived at my friend' for a visit, this individual was there and immediately asked me what I thought about it-[what he actually said was "I suppose you believe this Pulse nightclub bullshit"] but before I could respond he was spewing forth that it hadn't happened! -It was another "False Flag incident". He claimed the news reports were fabricated with actors and special effects, he branded the publication of a victim's tweets to his mother while hiding in a toilet as "pathetic" and I simply EXPLODED! -I mean that the only thing stopping me from dumping my principles and lamping the wanker was the fact that I am obviously a LOT bigger and stronger than he is. Luckily, this character's rottweiler; Caesar, likes me and is a lot more sensible than his owner and sat fairly impassively as we spewed boiling black acid at each other. One of the things he said was impossible was the amount of weaponry and ammunition the shooter was alleged to have had. I showed him a film of someone who appeared to be wearing baggyish trousers and a tee shirt from which he produced an assault rifle etc but that still didn't sway him... I opted to avoid him after that and asked my friend to let me know if he was there before I came a-visin'. Yesterday I visited my friend and he was there. When he started talking about the banks that funded the Nazi party being "the real reason they didn't sink those ships" (?) I went home. Though he dismisses all broadcast media, this guy's main activity is to trawl the internet for the videos of sad guys in their parents' basements "debunking" everything from moon landings to gravity. Their lack of education or qualifications render them more credible to him.

Yesterday showed how flimsy "recovery" from mental distress can be: I know I have another week before I have to go back to my job but the thought filled me with dread and foreboding. I have something called "The Transformation Game" which includes the direction "let your highest self play the game". The foreboding I feel about returning to work is about knowing that my "highest self" is unwelcome in my job. They need a dutiful house nigga who will do as he is told and smile for those photos that demonstrate the company's diversity- FUCK! I just checked the website as I realise I am the ONLY person of colour working for the organisation: 14 white women, 10 white men (none in management roles) and me. The Board:2 white women, 2 white men and a lawyer (!). It is too easy to brand them as racist. It would be unfair, BUT I do believe that my ethnicity is a factor in my difficulties with them. 

Yesterday felt like wasted time to me. The more I felt it, the harder it became to challenge it and the more depressed I felt. -That's why I visited my friend (doh!).

I wrote about one of my lodgers who had disappeared for a couple of weeks without comment or informing me he would be away. On his return he spouted crap about being out of internet range with a broken phone so unable to contact (he was in Manchester, not Mongolia!). I thought I made it clear to him that I wasn't interested in the ins and outs of his movements, but that it was common courtesy to let the people with whom you live know whether or not you'll be around. I also said that if he found that intrusive he was welcome to find somewhere else to live. "No" he understood he said- and disappeared for the next four days with no word, appearing again yesterday when I returned from my abortive visit to my friend AND to make it worse, one of the 'parasites of green' was there awaiting my beneficence. I felt like kicking out the lot of them! In that mood I refrained from voicing my grievances with the lodger. I did not trust myself to focus my irritation on the issue in hand without drawing in negative energies from other things bugging me at the mo. At its simplest: I don't care where this lodger is hanging out, but if he doesn't need to be in my house he should piss off so I can charge what I need to from the room he occupies- "mates rates" seems inappropriate now.