Treading Water

After fire alarm tests etc I went to Leadgate to meet the owner. The lass was there- talk about "buzz-kill"!:still on her "it doesn't matter what I say" trip. I found myself looking to the not too distant future where she'll be off the menu again and calling him all the names under the sun.

The meeting went OK... I think we made it clear that the excellent relationships Garry had developed over preceding months had all been lost. Where there had been joshing and camaraderie it seems that the workers have been told not to engage with us at all. It is also apparent that the local ward councillors  have had some input into the disastrous current situation where we're now having to negotiate creating an opening so we can have a gate out of our property to the new cycle route and road beyond.

It was good for me to be able to explain what we're doing and planning to an enquirer. I think the sooner we get the local councillors in and shown around, the better. Having so much to do and having to waste my creative energies and time on completely irrelevant duties for a job in which I have no interest is terribly frustrating. Having got back to the office by around 13:30, within an hour I was trying to think of something to do.

I had good sleep almost every night when I was on sick leave, but every night since I returned to work I have woken up around  03:00 and struggled to regain sleep. It is hard for me to get up in the morning to waste my time like this. It is almost like being goaded into an emotional "explosion" that would justify the termination of my contract. It seems most important the organisation is considered infallible. -That can be achieved by the way in which they spin or ignore their own failings and attempt to shift blame elsewhere. I dislike working in a blame culture environment. It is rare in organisations that someone will make a mistake that it entirely of their own responsibility! Although "officially" the organisation is anti blame, in practice the priority is to demonstrate that the boss and her"closest advisers" are 'Teflon-coated'". There was a review of the Return to Work meeting I'd had with my boss last week. I struggled for a long time to simply "let it pass" but it bugged and annoyed me to the point where I replied requesting a particularly offending passage be "rethought". Why bother?- Reputation! Reputation is currency. All it would take would be for the narrative that I am intimidating and difficult to work with to go unchallenged and I might as well forget about doing this sort of work.

I think politicians and policy-makers should be prosecuted severely if found to be being dishonest.