Wildewire

So, with a couple of days notice I had my first review of my work on December 20th (I am on 'probation' until April in my 'new' job). I confess that I was a little irritated: my attempt to discuss development goals with my new employers had been rejected and I had been waiting for them to come up with something, as that had not happened I was bemused about what they could be assessing.  In the event and to my surprise, I was assured they were satisfied- even pleased with my contribution to date, admitted that my introduction to the company could have been better and set some 'SMART' targets for the next review... ... It is an curious adjustment for me: my instinct is to get the big goals set and to work to fill in the details with them in mind. I find that this helps to discard ideas that don't fit the goals. In this job, they want to be sure I can do all the admin, so I will: as I said in a previous post; I have nothing to prove and am happy to do wha...

Well: as usually happens; I've been SO busy and 'spent' at times when I might have been blogging, but on the three or four times I've actually fired up the old laptop I've ended up doing just a teensie bit of 'planning' for work and that was that! So that's why the gap since my last blog! I'm settling into my new job; doing new things- not some of the things I expected but its definitely fun. I am a lot more willing to do what I'm instructed than I have been in previous jobs. I am very happy to serve. I refer all my decisions through the executive before implementation, offer suggestions when I think it appropriate and file them against review at a later date. A number of things probably contribute to my new acceptance- the Demon of Experience had a part to play: The last couple of years have been hard. I have survived and a recent windfall cushions my immediate future and that of my Godson, but the lack of fulfilment my recent marathon throu...

Well, that was an interesting week! I am still more than "happy" with my new job, but I learned last week that they're going to move at their own pace; trying to get them to speed up just ain't gonna work! My mistake? I drafted a discussion document and sent it to the entire board requesting a chance to talk with them about "the way forward". [ I know: "provocative" huh?]. Come to think of it; this is the second time I have drafted a "Discussion Document"  and had a surprising response. I used to work for an organisation that had the stupidity to not only call themselves "The best organisation in the voluntary sector" but to actually believe it too- despite the fact that they hadn't even secured a major government grant that had been earmarked for them, because they failed to submit the application. The fact that they would publicly call themselves the best in the sector says a LOT about them IMHO. But I digress: the rea...

Last week I set out to make as many 'strategic contacts' as I could to introduce myself as The Phoenix's new Manager and to call "Time" on leaving the theatre out of Creative Sector development strategies for the county. I went to Berwick on Tweed for a " Northumberland Strategic Arts Forum " 'conference' at the Maltings . This turned out to be a pretty 'standard' strategic event, but it was useful for me to meet some interesting creative people who are active in the county and for some of the "officers" with whom I have crossed swords before to see me with a new hat on! I was also able to see the first half of Phizzical Theatre's Cymbeline , only the first half as it was going to end after the last train to Newcastle was scheduled to leave. I was pleased to finally catch up with the show: the director had asked me to try to get it into a venue in Newcastle or Gateshead last year but NONE of them would even look at it....

I cruised into Blyth on an Arriva bus last Monday, met the Executive Director and volunteer Box Office Manager of the Phoenix Theatre , got a set of keys and started my "Probation" is their first paid Theatre Manager. I've met new people every day between learning systems and reading the unavoidable stack of "strategy papers and reports" on art and culture in South East Northumberland and The Phoenix Theatre in particular. The Technician and me hit it off instantly as we have similar interests, values and aspirations and everyone has been so welcoming and pleasant that I am trying not to look for 'the catch'! I know there is a huge expectation that I will be able to realise all their dreams as much as I know I won't be able to please them all- but I want what they want. It is such a pleasure to be working WITH as opposed to for or even against a Board. These guys are good natured, experienced and more than capable, the fact that I agree with their ...

At the last meeting I had as Chair of the North East Sustained Theatre Regional Hub, I was soothingly advised to "just let it go, Oscar" when those assembled baulked at the suggestion that we could collectively descend upon the Arse Council offices in Newcastle to voice our displeasure at their actions to sideline and ignore the artists in an allegedly "Artist-led initiative". I took their advice- not to let go of my aspirations, but to let go of THEM! When I worked for Intercultural Arts I was paid to stick my neck out and stand up for those people who, as creative professionals, were less able to represent themselves in the strategic shenanigans of "arts development. The fact that I had not had those responsibilities or benefits since May 2011 seemed to be lost on most of them who thought I would continue putting myself out for them with no support or even public endorsement. I made it clear that although I was stepping down as Chair I would continue to sup...

Today was uncharacteristically warm and bright. I have been wading through data to draft a final report for a research project that should have finished months ago but I had underestimated other people's inputs (again). I really wasn't in the mood for work and I had a hunch there wouldn't be that many more days like this for the rest of the year so I invited my housemate to stop brooding the loss of an Agency job and have a day out with me. I am really looking forward to starting work in Blyth next week. Even though the theatre was closed by the time we arrived. We had lunch then made it all the way to the beach where a little dog became hysterical at the sight of me much to the embarrassment of its owner who kept saying "She's never been like this before". I wondered if the dog had seen many black people before. It certainly didn't bother me. I did see someone from Newcastle I particularly dislike, but, hey! I think I could happily live in Blyth- as...

In March, an Arse Council "Relationship Manager" reluctantly agreed to the inevitable "feasibility study" of the proposals for the building to support minority ethnic arts development in North East England that some of us creative professionals have been promoting since late 2009. "Inevitable" because it is a common Arse Council tactic to deflect creative energy by spending money on "research" whenever artists ask for action. So; £50,000 was promised to deliver this feasibility study and a consultancy who had done similar work agreed to do it. The first step in the study was to get the "Key Stakeholders"- Arse Council, local authorities etc to a pre-meeting to agree parameters: the wily consultants did not want to complete the job only to be told there were issues missing. IT TOOK NEARLY FOUR MONTHS for the Arse Council to agree a meeting and rather than the full round table planned, it was an unminuted discussion witnessed only by ...

In a bit of a fit of pique after a NEST meeting where the group refused to stand up against the Arse Council's actions and told me to "just let it go, Oscar" I reviewed a job prospect I'd previously dismissed because I thought that it would be inaccessible to me without a car. When I discovered I could get there in less time than it took me to commute to most of the jobs I had in London, I drafted an application and was really pleased to be invited to interview today. The job's in Blyth- running The Phoenix Theatre. I got there early so I could have a look around the town. I had only heard bad things from Novo Castrians- but then they tend to say anywhere that isn't Newcastle is bad! It was a lovely day and... I really liked what I saw of the town. The theatre is MUCH more than I was expecting. I had a great interview- I liked the people and thought they liked me and what I said. On the way home I began to actually hope they'd say "yes" so it...

I really "feel" for the current Chair of the Sustained Theatre National Artists Team. She is STILL striving to deliver things I had brought to the brink of completion in 2011 just before the comprehensive spending review froze Arts Council funds- things like getting the NAT properly constituted so that it can raise its own funds (for example). When I was Chair, it was the Arts Council inhibiting that development, I never understood why, apart from them perhaps fearing what we might do if we were financially independent. Now, the dissent comes from within the ranks and although I've read their objections I don't understand them. The practical upshot of this decision is that the network has no resources of its own and depends on funded organisations subsidising representatives to participate or individuals doing it themselves. A meeting is planned for the end of the month in Leicester, as the Chair of NEST I am expected to pay for my own travel (not to mention the 4...

So... One of the member of the North East Sustained Theatre Regional Hub: "NEST" came up with an idea for a festival to showcase the work of the groups members.  We had a meeting and came up with a whole list of potential projects that might make up perhaps a two week programme that could be shown first in Tyne and Wear and then in Teesside. I was pleased that something so positive was at last coming out of a group in which I was frankly beginning to lose faith: there is a facebook page, but 95% of the posts and updates are from me, of the 40 people on the mailing list responses only ever came from the same 4 or 5 people and worst of all: few of them were willing to stick their necks out re claiming the Arts Council grant for a building in support of their own development. It was decided that an application for funding would be submitted to facilitate two weeks of "Research and Development" work: artists would book "workshop" space to explore ideas and...

A LOT has happened since my last post. I have wanted to write about it, but although I don't think anyone is actually reading this stuff, I need to be... sensible. Now that the storm is passing, I want to put some record of past events in here, to form the basis of writing I intend to do in the near future. Consequently; the next few posts will be retrospective...

The problem with "not wanting to lead" as I wrote a couple of months ago is when nobody else steps up to the plate and nothing happens. The HUGE project about which I've been obsessing since early 2010 took a step towards actually happening last month when an offer was made for the building I'd identified as a potential development centre for minority arts in Newcastle and the North East by a property developer I'd been wooing for a couple of years. The building has been on the market since 2008 when it was priced at £1.3m, the final asking price was £380,000. Far from delight at being able to bag such a bargain, the funder who has had £5m "ring-fenced" for the development of Black and Asian theatre for about ten years ridiculed the notion of establishing an arts centre for the low price of £750,000 I suggested. Their "officers" have carefully avoided opportunities to actually venture inside the building to see for themselves that althoug...

 I often envy writers, painters, sculptors- any creative artist who can create their work without collaboration with others! They don't have to persuade and cajole and hand-hold and play down to achieve their work, they 'see' what's in their minds and they can go for it. Theatre isn't like that. Even a solo show usually needs someone to switch lights etc on and off. I love theatre for its capacity to make the impossible possible, for its ability to create magic, but it seems that its a lucky theatre maker who has an entire crew sharing their dream. Risk... people, supposedly creative people today are afraid of risk! That constantly shocks me. Recently I have watched a series of documentaries about and discussions with creative greats like the Jazz Divas of the mid twentieth century, contemporary musicians, writers, actors, architects, artists of the European Renaissance etc. Over and over, the people who "made it" were the risk-takers not the line tow...

Strategy v Delivery Now is not the time for investing in “strategy”, at least; in minority arts! I have lost count of the number of consultations and strategies I’ve witnessed and to which I have contributed since 1985. Each one promised a great leap forward for minority arts and culture, so why does it seem that so little has been achieved? How many full time UK creative companies, let alone venues are run by and for people from minority communities? How much public money has been spent to deliver consultations and research ‘on our behalf’? Why does it seem that so many of those consultations were conducted by the ‘Usual Suspects? Why are so few professionals from minority communities acceptable to “Strategic” agencies to conduct consultations and deliver reports? How did those who have the confidence of ‘Strategic Agencies’ attain their trusted positions? Why is it SO much easier to secure funds for research than it is to support actual creativity? What...

It is hard to stick to my new non-moaning rule lol. What does one do when the very people FOR whom you have been fighting begin to act like the enemy? It is a poor excuse that basic tenets of a project that has existed since 2006 and whose reports and commentaries and summaries are not only widely available but I have forwarded copies to those people several times in the last four years. They receive the information, don't read it and then complain that they don't know what is going on. They demand that issues that are and always have been central to the project be addressed. They dismiss "the past" and criticise 'reinventions of the wheel', they tell me that they do not expect me to have all the answers but direct (previously answered) questions to me. Then they wonder why it takes so long to achieve anything. I have worked to support minority artists in North East England since 2006 by helping them to present professional project proposals, developin...

I showed a friend this blog- more to show her how easy it was to start one. As she read post after post I became so uncomfortable I have stayed away from it for a couple of months! WHAT A MOANER!!! To be fair to myself, one of the reasons for this blog was to have a place to vent my (many) irritations in a fairly benign way, but this was too much! A problem with putting that stuff in a blog is NOT dealing with the real world issues that precipitated the negative responses in the first place. I needed to find a balance in my life that would stop me from actually bashing people who piss me off. There is also my perennial problem of retaining SOME dignity and not writing about really personal things in a public forum. Suffice it to say that things have changed on all fronts for me and there is a general feeling of positive possibilities in my life- even though the key work-related issue of getting ACE to release the funds to allow us to create a centre for the development of minorit...

After conversations I've had with friends and enemies over the last few days, one thing has become clear to me: I am tired of being any sort of leader. After nearly 30 years of overall success of proving and re-proving my abilities and my worth; of surpassing expectations and leaving jobs and projects very obviously better than they were before my input, I question my current abilities in a leadership role and I realise how much I now resent standing up for people who won't stand up for themselves. I am tired of fighting people in positions of supposed public service who think they're in positions of power and work only to maintain those positions for themselves. I despise those people who moan to me about the trouble with the creative sector in North East England but smile, cow-tow and fawn to the people about whom they complain. I have no energy to devote to another slog towards an uncertain goal o...

Moments of crisis are more frequent when I work in isolation. I am confident of my ability to deliver the things I plan but when I look to the people FOR whom I think I'm doing this stuff and can't find them, I question my motives. Added to that: when "wise" friends chorus concern for my plans based on their life/business experiences, it seems more than arrogant of me to continue...  I AM my fiercest critic: I check and re-check my assumptions and plans constantly. IF the people who said they would use the proposed ICONNE Centre anything like as often as they have told me in the past couple of years, it will work! Even if we gave free hires to groups: if those groups attracted audiences to eat and drink in the cafe etc it will work. If families started booking spaces for wedding receptions and other parties, it will work, if the groups who complain of lack of rehearsal and development- let alone...

I can only talk about crises when they're over! That is a failing. The ability to ask for help is not easy for me. The last couple of weeks have felt particularly bleak- traditionally so, I read. I had a traffic jam of external expectations and an overriding threat that made it hard for me to organise and focus while my brain was in constant overload. I am surfacing after ditching a couple of things and confessing to a friend that the (unpaid) work I'd promised to do hadn't been done. Its hard not to be nihilistic when reviewing my dogged progress towards The ICONNE Centre against the implacable resistance of Gatekeepers for whom I have scant respect. Had my Cassandra- like prophecies for the future of IcA been listened to, the organisation might still exist- it is the obvious inheritor of the ICONNE Centre, but it would mean that IcA's Trustees would have to actually work! The weakness in too many of the organisations I've served has been their governance committ...

How easy it has become  to score points in an argument by accusing an opponent of being aggressive or claiming to be intimidated by them. I don't advocate bullying and bluster, but is it really so wrong to expect people to stand up for themselves in an argument rather than to put on the "hurt" face and manufacture tears in search of sympathy? Given the option, I avoid conflict and I am careful not to engage in one when I'm angry; it has a mildly toxic effect on me;  m y lips quiver  and I can feel sick. At the same time: I find it hard to ignore obvious injustice. I get irritated by ineffectual people who hide behind their job titles and do just enough to maintain their positions. I reported to someone in my only public sector job who was truly pathetic. I used to have to actively meditate before my regular meetings with this individual because so much of what they said incensed me to the point of wanting to slap them. One day, I was told that something I used to ...

Last year was...pretty crap really for me! It was a constant struggle, like a man overboard in an ocean unsure of which direction to swim for safety. Brown-nosed, self-serving sycophants, some of whom I had dutifully assisted, sailed past in Arse Council-funded super-yachts that made pretty patterns in their wake but communicated no more than endorsements of the mates in office who supported them and ignored those whose faces didn't fit enough to be invited on board. Who you know and how you kiss their butts is the name of the game. Creativity isn't about self expression but about endorsing the status quo to ensure that the people who feather your nest remain in power to reward you with further support. Learn a few esoteric, half-understood phrases to create a fog of  pseudo-intellectual self-critique and an 'Emperor's New Clothes' effect is created- daring individuals to risk ridicule by admitting what they've heard makes no sense to them and allowing bullshi...