Overload!

Last year was...pretty crap really for me! It was a constant struggle, like a man overboard in an ocean unsure of which direction to swim for safety. Brown-nosed, self-serving sycophants, some of whom I had dutifully assisted, sailed past in Arse Council-funded super-yachts that made pretty patterns in their wake but communicated no more than endorsements of the mates in office who supported them and ignored those whose faces didn't fit enough to be invited on board. Who you know and how you kiss their butts is the name of the game. Creativity isn't about self expression but about endorsing the status quo to ensure that the people who feather your nest remain in power to reward you with further support. Learn a few esoteric, half-understood phrases to create a fog of  pseudo-intellectual self-critique and an 'Emperor's New Clothes' effect is created- daring individuals to risk ridicule by admitting what they've heard makes no sense to them and allowing bullshit art to be presented publicly- all the worse when it claims to represent "minority" communities.

Giving up was not an option and that's pragmatics, not heroics. To have ceased my water-treading would have seen me sink to the bottom dragging what little I have amassed in the last 10 years down with me. Instead I put my energies any and everywhere I saw potential. The coverall constant has been the ICONNE Centre- the project I was content to accept redundancy to pursue: a centre for the development and presentation of intercultural arts and the support of creative practitioners. I had warned my previous bosses in writing for two years about the likely funding crash in 2011, I had even taken on additional work (for no more cash) to show how the organisation could prepare for and respond to the inevitable but only elicited "concern" at the workload I was creating for myself. In truth they were concerned that THEY would have had more responsibility- they might have had to actually read information in advance of Board meetings for example!! The idea of creating something I was constantly told was impossible and working for myself to prove it was not only possible but able to deliver cost-effective positive impacts was intoxicating...

It is as if it has taken a full year for all the ideas and possibilities to come together all at once! An investor is willing to purchase the building for the ICONNE Centre, grants I applied for have begun to come in to enable projects I have pitched, freelance work has come up and I have been 'invited' to apply for an interesting job. I want more than anything, to open the Centre, but the Arse Council still has the power to mess things up. I promised myself never again to be in a position where my professional future was in the hands of people for whom I have no respect and less trust. So: I have little choice but to continue developing and delivering on all the different projects and opportunities until one of them becomes solid enough to hang my future on it.

Unlike the brown-nosed sycophants, my goal is greater than my personal gain; I want to build a cruise liner to seek out, pick up and promote the REAL talents and to expose the toadyism and nepotism of the creative sector in North East England- THAT would be (almost) all the reward I'd need, and all the more sweet if achieved without relying on barbed hand-outs from old school cronies.