All Changed and Back Again
I showed a friend this blog- more to show her how easy it was to start one. As she read post after post I became so uncomfortable I have stayed away from it for a couple of months! WHAT A MOANER!!!
To be fair to myself, one of the reasons for this blog was to have a place to vent my (many) irritations in a fairly benign way, but this was too much! A problem with putting that stuff in a blog is NOT dealing with the real world issues that precipitated the negative responses in the first place. I needed to find a balance in my life that would stop me from actually bashing people who piss me off.
There is also my perennial problem of retaining SOME dignity and not writing about really personal things in a public forum. Suffice it to say that things have changed on all fronts for me and there is a general feeling of positive possibilities in my life- even though the key work-related issue of getting ACE to release the funds to allow us to create a centre for the development of minority arts is no closer in any practical sense- they've come up with yet another delaying tactic that will cost £50,000 to produce a report to make sure that our suggestions are credible and interest in the building from other people is growing it it pretty obvious that they think if they stall us for long enough someone else will buy the building... I don't really care any more: I want to create the project but it is almost as if there is a cadre of people who are getting off on obstructing me. At the same time; I am very aware of the amount of WORK that will be involved if the project gets the go-ahead...
Part of the change is that I now share my life with a partner. I am no longer as annoyed as I used to be about the low levels of participation in the group I'm nominally Chairing or as surprised at how reticent these supposed "Creative Professionals" are to stick their heads even partially above the parapet. There is a characteristic... cowardice in people who cheer and offer rousing support when they're together, but fall eerily silent when called upon to reaffirm that support in public. The trick is to ensure one never becomes too dependent on them. I am happy to work on their behalf but no longer willing to carry the can or take the flak alone. I have more important things in my life.
There is also my perennial problem of retaining SOME dignity and not writing about really personal things in a public forum. Suffice it to say that things have changed on all fronts for me and there is a general feeling of positive possibilities in my life- even though the key work-related issue of getting ACE to release the funds to allow us to create a centre for the development of minority arts is no closer in any practical sense- they've come up with yet another delaying tactic that will cost £50,000 to produce a report to make sure that our suggestions are credible and interest in the building from other people is growing it it pretty obvious that they think if they stall us for long enough someone else will buy the building... I don't really care any more: I want to create the project but it is almost as if there is a cadre of people who are getting off on obstructing me. At the same time; I am very aware of the amount of WORK that will be involved if the project gets the go-ahead...
Part of the change is that I now share my life with a partner. I am no longer as annoyed as I used to be about the low levels of participation in the group I'm nominally Chairing or as surprised at how reticent these supposed "Creative Professionals" are to stick their heads even partially above the parapet. There is a characteristic... cowardice in people who cheer and offer rousing support when they're together, but fall eerily silent when called upon to reaffirm that support in public. The trick is to ensure one never becomes too dependent on them. I am happy to work on their behalf but no longer willing to carry the can or take the flak alone. I have more important things in my life.
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