The Last Day and Pappa Ommm

My cough had really taken hold by Wednesday. I was going through tissue paper like confetti. I had little energy for any of the fun things people were doing. I did take Jarvis out for a walk at one point to get some fresh air.

There was an odd mood to the castle as the die-hards dwindled to about 40?. I found it hard not to be judgemental of people who were floating about being Faeries whilst boring farts like me cleaned up after them! It was hard not to fantasise that several of the people who left today were avoiding clean up duties tomorrow! It is hard for some not to become totally self-indulgent after a week of affirmations. It fascinated me how things 'loosened' even further in the last couple of days: meal times were when they were ready and were/were not announced, the pre-dinner names circle fizzled out which was  shame as it had been a moment when we saw who had arrived or left and it gave a moment to 'fix' names to people... apart from those who thought it fun to change their name every day!

I was shocked to overhear someone almost boasting that they'd not done any "chores" all week because they were on holiday! It was a strange thing to hear as I felt annoyed and that the "practical love" I'd been practicing  was just stupid. I also found out that the person who'd been referred to (jokingly I'd thought) as a "Squatter" was paying nothing to be there, eat there etc. This was the same person who'd been (jokingly?) talking about a "coup" earlier in the week.

There were a couple of final "Ceremonies" that I avoided. As much as i LOVE the Faeries; the quasi-religious elements albeit "new age" etc rankle with me for similar reasons to me watching very nasty people go to church to say they're sorry- sometimes even mean it, and act exactly the same at their next opportunity. For ME: talk of community is so much hot air; the test is in the activity. I know that were I to live with people who made no effort to contribute to the practicalities of cohabitation as well as the spiritual principles it would not work for me.

I had a chat with Shokti and a couple of others about "safety" and the fact that a contributing factor to my apparent low libido on gatherings is because I have heard what the very people with whom I was speaking have said about other faerie assignation. Regardless of how close and supportive a group might be, I'm not enamoured at the idea of my sexploits becoming daily gossip. I'd chatted with a sexually liberated faerie earlier in the week about having a chat about how I seem to be becoming less sexual, but by the time he connected with me for the chat, I had decided that there's little 'wrong' with my sexuality save my difficulty in finding the sex I actually want. - As a black man in N.E. England I could have a sex partner every day if that was what I wanted.

Shokti came up with a Faerie Name for me: Pappa Ommm... I accept that Oskie Darski is a bit of a cop out, but I had several problems with Pappa Ommm: "Pappa"- OK I accept that I'm old enough to have fathered a lot of the Faries (that sounds more odd than it should!) but I baulk that it might be interpreted as pompous or arrogant. I am also concerned that some people have interpreted my quiet and chilled persona as worriesome and frightening; will Pappa Ommm make it worse? On the other hand: I am undoubtedly one of the younger "elders" so I might as well accept the mantle when offered!