Yeah Man!

There's definitely something in all that stuff "they" say about needing to get to the bottom in order to bounce back. I'm not being so dramatic as to compare the minor frustrations of my last year and a half to anything of real consequence. At fifty-five-and-three-quarters I get to notice the patterns of things in my life that just "happen" (Honest, Guv!) as well as my own stupidities and ego. I have a strong sense of duty to things I start- or more importantly; to the people I involve in the things I start. A business consultant acquaintance called me "Totally institutionalised" once because I wouldn't take the short-cut to getting my way he'd advised. I think I come from a fairly "traditional" place but when I see rules that no longer make sense or are arbitrarily in place to suppress creative expression or simple "common sense" I seek ways of changing them. These last couple of weeks have been a process of peeling off layers of what is expected and what is suspected of me and reminding myself what is actually important, what I actually believe, what I really want. I wish I didn't let the opinions of others impact me as much as I sometimes do despite my protestations to the contrary... I'd like to say "Fuck 'em all" but that doesn't sit so well with my "community development" convictions...

One of my Co Directors visited me today to get the low-down on how I've messed up the planned "Main Project" that we've been working on since last year as well as to hear my ideas for an even more potentially hair-brained scheme. I certainly didn't have to do a "Hard Sell": he quickly reminded me of the best of times we'd worked together before in a voluntary sector agency for minority ethnic creative professionals and why I'd asked him to join the company. He recognised an opportunity for us to complete projects and ideas that had been cut short because we'd either not had the resources or had been working for people too afraid to actually see through to the end things they'd claimed to be trying to achieve.

I'd shared with him the quote from this blog that offended the owner of the building we'd been committed to renovating as well as the correspondence I'd attempted since then. Perhaps he just knows me too well, but he also wondered if there was something else at play. He's keen that we don't lose everything- there may still the option of purchasing it after all as most of the applications are already submitted. He agreed we'd try to continue to support the people we'd encouraged to be involved and develop the enterprise incubator idea. 

He sees that pursuing the new "Main Project" idea whilst supporting what we've been trying to do at the other place brings us a step closer to creating the network of "community hubs" suggested in the company name that has been our core aim. He is going to work on our website to play down the whole idea of our "main projects" and highlight the way we work- relying on, promoting and contracting freelance associates to create a dynamic and responsive workforce rather than maintaining cost-draining administrative staff and offices when we're not delivering. We're also in the market for some new associates AND at least two Board members, women if possible! Our three galz have gone! In fact, if our plan for the new main project comes off, we're going to have to find a few more people to become sub-group/proto governance boards for up to four discrete projects.

I was so excited I got stuck into the financial planning and was slogging away until a visitor arrived we'd not seen for a while and, for once, he had his own stuff which was cool as I've not even got cash for food until the end of the week! -I do have a fairly well-stocked freezer and loads of pulses so I ain't starving!

Oh! I was supposed to meet this geezer with whom I've been chatting all last week for lunch on Sunday. We'd exchanged over 300 messages! He'd resisted my attempts to put him off. Then when I contacted him on Sunday morning to make arrangements to meet... nada! How incredibly bizarre. "Cold Feet"? "Time-Waster?" I'll never know. I'm at most bemused. It was just as well as I was contemplating busting my change jar (digital jobbie claiming to have £27.23 in it at the mo) to pay for lunch...