Astrology and change
Had a chat with Shokti about problems with the Heart Circles...
Found out that I am, in addition to being "Double Capricorn with Libra rising, a Metal Rat"! There is another one here, but I confess to have been avoiding him- there is something strangely predatory about him I dislike. Which leads to a key grappling point for me: I feel too easily judgmental no matter how much I try to avoid it. I am unable to "love" everyone I meet when they transgress certain rules for me like invading my space or being overly aggressive or arrogant or dismissive or superior. Whilst these days my outward expressions of those feelings are suppressed I am still processing them internally. There is another person here who has the boundaries of a mildly autistic person: he thinks nothing of grabbing the jewelry people are wearing and making quite odd comments about them, of touching the hair and faces of people he's just met etc. I thought it was just me, but I've seen him do the same to three other people. He is abrupt and emphatically says highly questionable things. He is definitely "hard work" and flits from group to group often commenting on someone from the previous one.
Oh! I do have a bugbear about the Faeries I want to splurge and it is about sex! We all have a hard time convincing friends that these gatherings are not just shag-fests. This is supposed to be a safe space including a for sex BUT the gossip and innuendo if anyone is seen heading for the Love Temple is unpleasant. I've been horrified by some of the behind-their-back gossip I've heard- not by the detail but by the fact that privacy is being violated. The "jokes" about the owner make me uncomfortable- despite the obvious and genuine affection for him. [Oh, apart from one person who thinks we should "take it off the old guy!"ho, ho, ho, how amusing].I don't really care but do really wonder what is said about ME when I'm not around! Hey: it ain't truly malicious stuff, its like being at school or something and I am pretty sure that most of it comes from a place of envy on the part of the information disseminators. The heart circles are suppose to be confidential but I have heard people commenting on contributions outside. That sort of behaviour adds to my questions about how committed to the principles some people are whilst they perform the observances of the group!
Samhain
The evenings are 'drawing in', the days are getting shorter and these ten days are being a wonderful way for me to make the transition into the winter and another new way of living my life. When I go back I will have to deal with getting state assistance to try to protect my home whilst I am redundant as a stop gap until CHN gets its next opportunity. I reviewed an application for structural funds for the Bridge House project and decided not to submit it because there were two things I thought they'd find "iffie" and they're openly anti CICs. My hopes are pinned on getting a favourable response to our EOI to the council re Cowgate Centre and that they're able to get rid of Daybreak quickly. Daybreak are rich, and THEY caused their present situation. They think they have all the cards and the council can't do anything until Daybreak is ready and they don't seem that bothered about looking for somewhere else. They want to stay in that building until it suits them and under their terms. They fail to realise that the council and the police are concerned about there being no community development work on an estate that has been "turned around" after sustained multi-agency intervention led by council and police.
Some people with whom I have connected have left which I am sadder about than expected. The dynamic shifts every day and it feels like a saunter down the final furlong.
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