Another New Start

Change is good!

I like reassessments and to start again regularly; it is a way of reviewing what's been successful, owning my failures and resetting priorities. There was something very therapeutic about dumping almost all of the STUFF I've accumulated in the last 18 months of my last job. The fact that I chose to dump almost all of it spoke volumes to me: I've been unsuccessful in some of my past jobs by not achieving what I hoped I would when I started but this last one stings like a bitch! It was the epitome of being encouraged to get excited about something and then to be forbidden from pursuing it.

From being the perfect end to my contracted work, my last job has been a personal disaster. I was working for a wealthy charity in a challenged community needing a lot of work. It seemed reasonable to plan a five year arc of work which would have seen me 60 and a series of independent community projects and enterprises surviving into the future. In the event I was able to complete a successful first year, to raise expectations widely and then have to let down everyone I'd engaged. I'd not be surprised if they give the next "community development" project/worker/initiative a very difficult time. I'd also not be surprised if the social equilibrium generally enjoyed on the estate begins to shift in coming years- partially because of the things I made them aware of. To make things worse: I'm now having to stop them from doing me out of a couple of hundred pounds because they've worked out my severance pay at my opening salary rate ignoring that they increased it after my probationary period. Toxic to the end lol... The fact that they're not particularly malicious is only mildly comforting. It is the fear of ending up working for another implacably rigid organisation of people hiding behind "procedure" in the face of good sense that chills me most and motivates my ambitions for my own company. 

I chucked out loads of paper, reorganised my files and my home office space. I got majorly sidetracked by uncovering a couple of photo albums which sent me into intense reverie over past loves and lost friends. One good thing that came from that is a greater imperative to do more non-work-related writing.

I paid most of my bills and am already broke lol. Of course; if I'd got the rent from the lodger I'd be fine. I won't lose my house because of him! I'll have to give him notice, but getting him to prepare his room for photos for flatshare sites will probably give him the jolt to accept that I will do what I have threatened to do for years and take responsibility. I mean: he won't go on the dole out of some principle, but is happy to sponge of his mate for years! I know I am soft but it is not as simple as him taking advantage, he needs help! One of my jobs this week is to track down the "loans" I made when I inherited from the sale of my mother's house- forgetting the more than £5,000 my brother got out of me which I doubt I'd see again even if he had billions, there are still £10,000 in that 'fund'. to get a couple back this year would be lovely.

I have to organise a meeting with Garry to pin down what will happen at the building as there are plans afoot e.g. to organise the relocation of 5 beehives. I've been stumped by an unexpected reversal already, I need to protect the companies assets.