Featherstone Castle All-Nighter!

A really cool day was slightly marred by the surprising thoughtless carelessness and arrogance of an individual but more of that later…

I got to spend a lot of time with Jarvis today. I know he’s ok in the room, but I didn’t like to see him alone so I found Choice and asked if I could take him out. In the event Jarvis pretty much led, he was particularly keen to investigate rabbit warrens and we found a rather well- made football which he immediately attacked. Later, in the Gun Room he had a great time systematically destroying it. He was pretty chilled hanging out with him till Choice came to feed him. He ended up staying in the Gun Room later than I did. 

Today was a lazy Sunday and things were allowed to 'slip'. Quite a few people left today for work tomorrow, some taking others who needed lifts. There's a different feeling in the castle today. The weather was a bit chilly but sunny, locals appeared with dogs at a respectful but no doubt curious distance. Quite a few people were out walking etc. Times of meals etc slipped and everything took on a much more “manyana” feel to it that I’ve come to accept at Faerie events, the best way for me to deal with them is to go with the flow, which everyone did. Dinner was late but particularly scrumptious. Some ‘escaped’ for a pub lunch! 

I encountered a couple of bits of Faery whinging, and frankly unpleasantness about “bloody vegans” and a couple of others who have asked for gluten-free and other things from people who had volunteered to cook. I was a little surprised LOL as I didn’t expect to hear that from the people who were having the conversation! “What the fuck are we going to make for them?” I suggested they spoke to the people involved and asked them what they’d want to eat. That suggestion was dismissed in favour of continued bitching which I found myself observing like someone watching two people conversing in a language they didn't understand. So “try to love everyone” message doesn’t even travel around a Faery Gathering, how will it affect the world? 

A core... THE core??? Of Faerie gatherings are the "Heart Circles". I have not participated in any... I am really glad to have been able to spend such a long time with Faeries. I am constantly driven by my desire ultimately to live in community, but in my quest for acceptance I will not ignore my compatibility with them. I know that I cannot live with [what I experience as] freeloaders or people who know the words but not the actions. There ARE some true Drama Queens here for whom literally EVERYTHING starts from a problematic place who will say things like “I can’t wait to get as far away from that place as possible” yet are “veterans” who come as often as possible. That sort of “Joke” wears me down. There is more than enough snidey cynicism on display “out there”! I come to things like this to stock up on my positive energies not fence with bitchy “wits”! This brings me to my difficulty with heart circles- if I have strong feelings that the beauty and apparent sincerity of heart circle contributions don't match my experience and observations of the speaker- THAT becomes the "Truth" I held in my heart at that moment... Or: I find myself judging people and I don't like it... Something inside me screams "Bullshit!" There are Faeries here sharing totally "out there" ideas and beliefs who I will seek out and engage and others who repeat profound-sounding things they'd picked up on the way. !!! I am SO judgmental!!!... That's probably why I take the "chicken's" route of avoidance: If I'm tempted to release my inner Beast, things can get messy; I can be brutal and prefer not to give that part of me too much nurture.

It was a day of various rituals, a couple going into the night. I wasn’t drawn to them but when I found Gun Room all but empty I took the chance to get hold of my comp and play some tunez: It was bliss! Shokti appeared and commented he’d not encountered a Gun Room music session from me at this event. I said I was much more cautious about offering that after the feedback of previous years where it was felt I' changed the dynamic of Gun Room with my new-fangled muzak. Shokti dismissed that and went off to found some speakers. My music played in the Gun Room till well after I went to bed at 06:30 feeling relaxed and happy and not at all knackered. Moss and me were in The Zone producing comedy gold (!) in a silly double act inspired by Moss’s gravelly cold-affected voice. A highlight was Taz returning from his all-too-brief drag experience wearing something akin to a red football strip. Someone (Moss?) coined the phrase "Scally Dad" and within minutes we were imagining www.scallydads.com, calendars featuring Scally Dads doing anything from drinking beer to "buyin' flowers for the lass". It was a lot of fun for me to be that silly again. Ooh! Moss showed a cartoon he'd drawn of a page from "Findr": Grinder for Dogs! It was a series of supposed profile pictures pastiching common headings like "Got Wood" and "Scallywag" with dogs in each picture. Its really inventive and Shokti will try to get it exposed.

Moss asked to come to visit me in Newcastle, I encouraged him to do it soon as what I have to do I can do from home and so can be around so we can do stuff together.

Oh yeah: there was an incident with a person who had been playing with silver glitter streamers hung as a curtain in the Gun Room as if it was a May pole: pretty much plaiting it as she did so. I noticed but briefly thought “no problem, it can be unravelled in the morning." Later I noticed her yanking at the decorations trying to pull the whole section down after the piece with which she had been playing came down. It was the slightly horrifying wanton destruction small children sometimes commit, or like Jarvice attacking the football. I asked her to "Please Stop!" And explained that there wasn't any need to take it all down as running repairs have been happening and are expected. -We know it is fragile and will fix it tomorrow, please don’t destroy it for no reason” I was sneered at and told “It’s only fucking tinsel!” I was shocked but happily in a positive zone so able to simply observe in horror.  I returned to what I'd been doing. Moss checked in with a very serious face to see if I was alright- I was, and I was  a little fascinated by that...I think it WAS apparent to her that she was out of order because I hadn’t noticed she’d left the room until she returned, still blustering and called herself the [I can’t remember the actual words] but something like Tinsel Wrecking Frau- I definitely remember “Frau”. She burbled a bit before saying something about “Have you told him? Where is he, I’ll fucking tell him. Shall we have a fucking heart circle? Is that how we show some love?” I commented that it would be nice. “WHAT?!” I repeated “I said it would be nice”. Those sitting close to me were worried I was angry. I wasn’t, I was sad and full of pity. But I refused to let it mar my VERY pleasant night. I think that person is going on Tuesday. I fully expect an apology, no doubt delivered in the same “fucking-offhand-I-don’t-really-give-a-shit kind of way that has characterised many of her ‘contributions’. As I write I realise I’d rather just ignore her and hope that she doesn’t approach me at all because I may tell her that I don’t want to hear it. Saying "sorry" is only valid when it is sincere and, even if I believed it, I don't want the sort of energy capable of generating so much negativity with such casual confidence anywhere but on the peripheries of my awareness and even then: only under sufferance.

-There’s always one!