Toxic Shock

Previously; I have returned from Laurieston with a palpable 'glow' that takes months to fade away. This time, perhaps because of the troubles ahead for the community there and definitely because of the return to a clearly toxic work environment, the ease and fortitude against the vicissitudes of 'everyday life' I normally experience are absent. Going to work on Friday was like accepting my enslavement. The polite middle class white women to whom I report are just poisonous. I was contracted to work as a community development worker with some building management duties. Do to THEIR fuck-up [OK maybe not directly the fault of the current incumbents] the community development work is deemed "outside the charitable objects" of the organisation and therefore 'illegal'. My suggestions for addressing this problem have been rejected as this news is more in line with the new world order planned by the CEO and Board. Rather than doing the right thing and offering me redundancy, they have instead chosen to keep paying me as a Community Development Worker, but almost all of my remaining duties are those of a caretaker/facilities manager.

I have been dogged by a severe pain beneath one of my shoulder blades. Some evenings; the pain is almost unbearable. When I was at Laurieston it returned only on the last night I was there after I had been thinking about having to return to work. You don't need a psychology degree to notice the correlation. If only this had happened last year when I still hand spendin' cash: I would have flounced off a long time ago. Sadly I need the income from these people to subsidise what I really want to be doing at Bridge House. 

My lodgers remain a concern. One of them has hardly been here. I don't know where he has been staying etc but it is beginning to seem clear to me that he doesn't need the room so I will tell him to either move out or start paying me what the room is worth as I charge him a lot less because I didn't need more at the time and because I was helping out someone who was here regularly anyway. Times are hard and friends are few, so cash is a real consideration. Apart from anything it feels disrespectful for him not to mention that he will be away/whatever, after all; this isn't a B&B. If that feels intrusive, all the more reason for him to relocate. I have no interest in what he might be doing but it seems common courtesy to tell the people with whom you live that you're not going to be around.

Bridge House is my solace and my concern. The guys volunteering there are more than committed but it breaks me when they find money to do things I know need to be done and I am still wading through funding applications like a man wading in treacle. I am frustrated that, in his enthusiasm and contempt for authority and regulation, our Custodian gets ideas and embarks on them with almost no planning, research etc. I have seen him waste thousands of seeds by just chucking them on soil where they had little chance of germination before consumption by birds etc. I fought over the finishes of the furniture made by Eurotrash Upcycled. I have been proved right now that they see potential customers obtaining the same things made by ETU, but 'finished' [varnished, stained etc] and for LESS dosh! Now I need to get Chris to finish items as I first asked and sell them at lower prices. Garry says "yes" to everything and puts himself in the centre of them, should he become unwell nothing would be able to progress. Until I secure some cash, I can't really do or say very much about this but it is very frustrating.