Home

For some reason I was wide awake at 06:25 yesterday. I decided that was too early and tried to sleep. I was out of bed at 6:38 and off to shower. I helped Sarah in the wash-up for something to do and to keep my mind off the impending departure. I ended up being paired with the prat I encountered a couple of days ago and enjoyed his discomfort. 

 Last mornings are never easy at Laurieston. Goodbyes were poignant for the most part. It was a little different this time as there is the question mark over whether groups like ECC will come back to the Hall and if they do the format of the weeks are likely to be very different and also I have begun what could be a three year process to join the community there.We had to be gone by 11:00. I left around 10:00 after a coach had taken a large group off to Carlisle and I was back in Newcastle around 12:30. I have had a couple of invitations back and I can't wait to be able to accept them though I do want members of the Engine Shed team to come too.

  I am quite- very concerned about my lodger... Our relationship has a parental component to it. He has lived with me for years during which time I haven't really needed 'rent' from him, but I have realised that not charging him rent has allowed him not to apply his considerable talents to finding himself work. His 'back story' is a bit more traumatic than most, not that he talks much about it, but once you know what has happened to him and it is hard not to think that is is amazing he's not MORE messed up! Nevertheless I carry significant guilt about allowing him so much time to avoid certain responsibilities as he now seems unable to apply himself. I think that, were he 'assessed' by the right people he'd show up on the autism-Asperger's spectrum. I came home having made decisions about being firm on the demands I need to make of him to pay the rent I've asked for this year and for him to get out to work. It was soon clear that had I done as I had planned it would have been traumatic for him and non-productive. He has been alone for a week with only our kitten and one night that the other lodger deigned to appear [I'm going to deal with him separately!] I could sense his anxieties as I mentioned my longer term plans re Laurieston etc] -it was not a moment for 'playing hard ball'. You may read this and think I am a fool being played by a shrewd or lazy individual on a cushy meal-ticket. You'll have to accept my word that is not the case. A perfect example is that the guy builds websites, fixes computers and telephones as well as installs programes, trouble-shoots etc etc etc, but despite MUCH teasing, cajoling and open incredulity, he doesn't have a website of his own to give him a chance of regular income. I have given him to the end of the month to produce a website and I will let him off this month's rent.

 I went over to Leadgate and spent some time with Garry and the poultry! It wasn't Laurieston, but the potential of the place glows like kryptonite. Garry's ideas for the catering project are great and will give priority to clearing the yard so I am totally in support. There is MUCH about the Leadgate project that makes me want to walk out of my paid job and live hand-to-mouth if necessary to make it work. Unfortunately, whilst I have two lodgers not contributing what I need of them financially, I remain tied to a job that treats me like a caretaker... Still: I am able to demonstrate my contempt straight back at them by doing the barest minimum and doing it badly. FUCK 'EM!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bon Voyage, Mon Enfant!

Image
It's hard dealing with the lack of communication let alone discussion of my Godson's immediate future. Its hard not to view my part in his recent past as a failure. The point is that it is over and I need to move on whilst there is still some relationship left between us. I'm getting quite 'Zen' in covering my frustrations with calm.  My Godson has always been unwaveringly CERTAIN of any decision concerning his learning that was opposed to mine. He was SURE that the scant attention he gave to his studies would at least yield passes. He dismissed my protestations that higher grades offered greater prospects as irrelevant. In exasperation I finally  reminded him and his father that he was here to go to school and that when that ended he would leave my home. His school career recently ended when he did not secure the grades to enrol into the final year.  My Godson is and always has been capable of cruising through a standard UK education, but it wasn't impo...
Read more

Waiting!

Image
I love working with other people and I absolutely hate it too! I love it when I get people together who agree to do stuff but I get twitchy when they're late and I remember that everyone's doing everything "at risk" unless I'm fortunate-enough to have cash with which to bribe them! Yesterday I completed my proposal for our new proposed Main Project- I'm really pleased with it and very excited to submit it, but it would be a mistake not to share it with my colleagues- they're a great bunch when I can get their attention! I have always to remember that they're not as committed to the company as I am: they joined as a favour to me initially and though they've all benefited from it at some time in the last five years... except Wayne who we all forgot was on the Board -including him lol I can't expect anything from them really. So, I get into waiting for responses and starting other things and forgetting that I'm waiting (I'd get annoyed...
Read more

Laurieston Arrival

Image
I doubt I'll be able to express my true feelings at actually arriving at Laurieston Hall for an Edward Carpenter Community, Gay Men's Week. I'm one of MANY people who regard Laurieston as my "Spirtual Home"- a palpable feeling hits me when I turn off the road onto the drive to the Hall. I was all the more keen to come this year when I discovered that this MIGHT be the last 'Season' that the Lauriestonians welcome visitors- at least for a while, Edward Carpenter Community have been coming here for 31 years. Despite a 12 year gap that ended last year, this is my 15th ECC event and almost all of them have been at Laurieston. There are over 60 gay men here from all over UK. So, getting here was a doddle from Newcastle- apart from taking a wrong turning off the M6 and refusing to trust the Sat Nav when I got to Laurieston (from a new direction) and going 4 miles AWAY from the house until I realised... Oh, and I spun off the road on a country road approching...
Read more