Laurieston, Day Six Notes

I had my first really unpleasant interaction here today albeit a minor one. It was my first interaction with this individual but I learned from witnesses to it that he is known for acting in the way he did. Uncertainty had been introduced into something that has NEVER been in question before and caused unnecessary anxiety. On behalf of those experiencing this uncertainty, I asked this individual to clarify the issue when he was making an announcement at dinner that didn’t address it. I waited until he had finished and asked my question- he was visibly irritated- affronted to have been approached and offhandedly told me that the issue had been addressed, but when I asked if the people concerned had been informed he said no. I asked him if he’d step outside to have a word about it which he interpreted as a threat!

I was told that this is the way this individual is known to act, that he is apparently or believes himself to be a leading light in ECC and has left a trail people who feel bullied by him and have left the organisation or given up attempting to administer or develop it because of his attitude towards them and actions. It is probably for the best that I had no knowledge of this during this encounter as my reaction might have been… unexpected. I won’t add any more detail as those who need to will know about whom I am talking. The universal verdict amongst my associates is "He's a Twat!".

I chose not to go to the Cabaret- again. I have found them increasingly difficult over the many Gay Men’s Weeks I’ve attended here. I had intended to bite the bullet and go to this one, but… in the end sat it out in the hall chatting with someone else who opted out for similar reasons and then with a couple of the residents who were pottering about getting things ready for breakfast before they went to bed themselves.

The Cabarets used to be part celebration of the week, part act of liberation for some individuals, affirmation and oh yes: showing off. The psychicly-transmitted ‘rule’ that no performer will receive anything but a positive response is as good as it can be abused! The nadia of this phenomenon was a guy who inflicted about TWENTY MINUTES of “Improvised Piano” on a room of about 60 people in stifling heat… oh: he had never taken a piano lesson in his life and “no” it wasn’t revelation moment of true genius, it was self-indulgent and sadistic. I walked out of that one… At its best, the cabarets give introverted men chances to shine and discover things they didn’t know they were capable of. BUT… there are (unsurprisingly) a lot of professional creative people are among the members and a new phenomenon is perhaps a little more virtuosity on display to the dismay of the less confident… Humans are hard work- this one more than most?

Experiences like being here at Laurieston and giving myself time to actually THINK about my place in the world and the kind of world in which I want to have a place that remind me how much I straddle two worlds- I am the only man of African descent here. That is not unusual for me, but I HAVE to keep questioning why that is. I am not the only black gay man I know but few of them would consider coming to a place that I adore so completely. Why is that? Why do I find something so rewarding that other men who are ostensibly “like me” seem to avoid?

I am NOT “playing the race card”! BUT: it seems foolish to me not to address the possibility that cultural differences have had a hand in the difficulties I’ve experienced in my working career dealing with the likes of the Board of the London Lesbian and Gay Centre or The Arse Council: they assumed they’d have a tame performing black and I never fulfilled that role.

After the cabaret was a disco with a professional light and laser show. The music was TOO cheesy for me but my groove thang was shaken at least once. 

At 1.30am the fire alarm went off! Poor Sarah, lept out of her bed and appeared outside Games Room where we were gathering on the lawn looking quite dazed as she was trying to take a roll call. It was a falsew alarm to do with resetting the zones after the disco (they switch off the sensors that might think the dry ice and smoke from smoke machines are a fire!).

Spent a lot of time with Marc.