Laurieston, Day Five

Oh it really is lovely to be here!

I am enjoying myself more each day. I have been taking photos like its going out of fashion. I'm already dreading going back- its hard to remain in the present when you're unaccustomed to getting what you want.

Weather has been a little disappointing in that it has been warm but cloudy with intermittent spells of HOT sunshine. Today (Day6) has started well and there is a good forecast.

I was in Kilt today so didn't go wandering around in the woods etc very much for fear of midges and ticks, but I wss outside most of the time. My Samsung tablet seems to be taking AGES to recharge today so I have taken fewer photographs than before- which is probably for the best; the amount of editing that will be needed before they're ready for presentation is immense!

FOOD has been EXCELLENT as usual. Although the Apricot fool thing served at dinner LOOKED incredibly unappetising to me so I avoided it. From other accounts it wasn't popular.

Base group was a little odd: I didn't really feel connected and it was clear that was true of others too. Our facilitator (bless him) could have done more to give context and direction but it was clear he is 'dealing with things' and allowed the session to perhaps be more about him and his preoccupations than truly facilitating the group- but that was OK. He was certainly not the only one slightly off kilter.

There is a guy who has been pissed for the entire time who epitomises some of the people here withwhom I am content not to have engaged. There are a couple of people here who have been at 2 or 3 such events that I've attended but I've not been moved to make contact with them. I fantasise that it might be anything from fear to racism on their parts, all I can do is be myself and remain open to them, but I am disinclined/disinterested in making the move myself any more than I have already done. This is a recurrent theme in my life: making accommodations for people who project their fears and prejudices onto me: I am a large, confident, articulate black man; it is a sad fact that too many of the people with whom I interact have had little if any other experience of such a phenomenon.

I got to spend more time with Dave E late into the night as part of a riotous group outside the smoking hut. I got to talk again about my conviction that joining the community IS something about which I am totally serious and began discussing strategies for that to happen. Dave softened his "you don't really want to live here" stance as he accepted I was in earnest and began opening up about some of the people problems and infurating decision-making processes and the raw POWER wielded by some of 'The Originals' who believe (possibly correctly) that their intransigence over first principles has maintained the community over 40 years. They have to face the fact however that the community is contracting- there were 30 souls here I when I first started visiting, there are 18 here now. The process to join is at least two years and the average age must be late 50s/early 60s- this is a 130acre estate with livestock, a large kitchen garden etc so even should they decide to permanently close the People Centre, they're likely to struggle just maintain the house and estate. I don't know what I could contribute outside People Centre operations- and fund raising, but I'd be willing to find out.