Eclipsed

Its great when my low expectations are proved entirely wrong. Sustained Theatre set the bar very low for me and I'm not sure I would have bothered with the Eclipse Theatre Audience Development Training if I had been more economically secure, and it would have been my loss. I came away from the two days feeling like there HAS been change in Black British Theatre- at least for this company who have landed big bucks from Esmee Fairbairn and Heritage Lottery Fund- Arse Council is there too, but they aren't funding the actual development work- they fund the basic existence that kept the company inside another company for 5 years. It is exactly that resistance to true black independence against which I railed as Chair of Sustained Theatre: Arse Council were willing to release funds to black artist groups IF they remained under the 'care' and control of established (white) venue organisations. This arrangement does not work for the black company: when they manage to get a toe-hold on the programme (at a time when the main company struggles for audiences), the mechanisms of the 'parent' company is not set up for the support of another company's work especially if that company is aiming at an audience that doesn't usually respond to the main company's programming. Then follow the commiserations and 'there, thereing at the disappointing box office results. Eclipse's feisty director put up with it until she was able to claim independence, move into her own space and access funds that will benefit HER organisation and not fleece the nest of another.

A huge part of the two days for me was the realisation and understanding that the feelings of frustration and fear of madness from not being "understood" are not unique. Failure to understand is a weapon of polite racism. Words I've said have missed their mark only to have been repeated by paler players and easily accepted. "No" I think to myself, that can't be happening, but the experience was echoed by others in the cohort. I was brought up about my negative recollections -about Talawa for example and rightly told that things have changed under their new director. I got the impression that their true feelings about the Arse Council were being repressed for professional reasons.

I learned a lot and refreshed my knowledge of other things. By the end of the second day it felt really worthwhile and I was looking forward to my role of garnering interest for the arrival of their as-yet-unwritten next touring show that will come to Northern Stage next year. What I learned, inspired my core work for Community Hubs Network. I can't wait to get that back on track. On Saturday I found out that one of my predictions about Cowgate has been agreed and will happen in February, I've also found that my former employers intend to be gone by April. All this suits me very well. The new info and the support of the workers who are affected by the decision strengthens the fund-raising strategy and prompts me to resurrect the work I did to create a separate charity to run community activities there and maximise the number of funders to which we can apply.

It is fate-tempting to go on about the plans I've suggested to my Co Directors, but it is bloody good even though I say so myself. I have a very strong idea of how we would use the buildings to provide maximum access to members of the community as well as to creative groups and companies. We will be able to deliver good class community AND arts development work and I will be able to revive some great ideas that were lost in the round of cuts in 2011.

I had a fairly miserable drive home: stuck in my first motorway traffic jam in the rain. I hate the way that the roads are laid out in Sheffield with its roads with variable lanes and no signs. I heard something clunk and break as I was driving, it wasn't until nearly Gateshead that I noticed one of the windscreen wipers has broken LUCKILY on the passenger side or else I would have been stranded. I've got no cash to mend it so it will have to stay like that until something changes.