Kindred

Yesterday I met with a woman from Kenya I've known professionally since around 2005 to discuss what she's doing, what I'm trying to do and how we might collaborate. I was amazed at how similar her work experience has been to mine. She shared similar frustrations, watched inept people be continually rewarded whilst work in which she has been involved has been starved in the hope it would disappear. She articulated the same feelings about 'playing the game' to acquire favour as opposed to rocking the boat by doing the job you know needs to be done.

Perhaps it was a case of "misery loves company" but I went away from that meeting feeling just a little less insane! When polite and reasonable people regularly tell you that the things about which you're passionate aren't really important or that you haven't really understood what is going on, it isn't surprising if you begin to believe it. My colleague reminded me that this is an effective tactic to disarm and disorientate people like me. For all my bravado and confidence i WILL actively question my beliefs and "positions" I AM open to new ideas, I DON'T KNOW with utter confidence that what I believe is right and the only way etc- the opposite are traits of despots and bullies! 

Today I had a conversation with a woman who has quietly chugged away doing things that try to plug the gap left by Intercultural Arts- although that wasn't her initial intention: when she started her project creative professionals 'of colour' gravitated towards her festival because it gave them fleeting feelings of security. She admits she's not the right person for this and sought my help. I mentioned my plans for reviving IcA and she seemed relieved. -That's two challenges to the position of the former Chair of IcA from people who are the project's obvious target beneficiaries. Today's conversation was interesting because my contact had been speaking to some of the usual self-serving suspects for whom I'd lost any residual respect in 2011; it was interesting that she is beginning to form the same conclusions I had done. We lamented the breakdowns in relationships between creative professionals of colour rather than the collaboration and networking that is so obviously necessary. But we agreed that part of this is a tactic from funders etc to encourage us to compete with each other to secure limited resources like trapped rats turning on each other. There is one person with whom she is involved with whom I refuse to work except to attempt to fuck up her company and her reputation, luckily my friend agrees and there's someone else who blotted his copybook with me a couple of years ago and I vowed he'd get no more support from me as a result- but... I won't actively fuck up his activities.

It is sad that these things happen, but not too surprising really.

I found out today too that the decision about the community centre won't be taken this year. I suppose it was silly of me to assume that they'd coordinate the assessment of submissions with the final submission date. Council Twats!