Wildewire

Its just as well I am not returning to work today as I am nowhere near back to 'full strength' not to mention coughing and sniffling regularly. This cold is sapping my energy and I should buy shares in tissue paper! Its a little disappointing, but not surprising that not much has changed on the home front: one lodger has been home alone with the cat for much of the time and couldn't even bring himself to clean the toilet that only he was using let alone more than cursory "cleaning" and four days after returning, I have had no contact from the other one, who owes me money and I feel is treating me with disrespect. When he does show his face- usually on a Wednesday when he get's access to his daughter, I will ask him exactly what HE thinks is going on here. Any trust has evaporated and I need to take steps to protect my property and security. It is so sad when supposed friends seem to mistake generosity or disinterest in financial gain for weakness. It is on...

My cough had really taken hold by Wednesday. I was going through tissue paper like confetti. I had little energy for any of the fun things people were doing. I did take Jarvis out for a walk at one point to get some fresh air. There was an odd mood to the castle as the die-hards dwindled to about 40?. I found it hard not to be judgemental of people who were floating about being Faeries whilst boring farts like me cleaned up after them! It was hard not to fantasise that several of the people who left today were avoiding clean up duties tomorrow! It is hard for some not to become totally self-indulgent after a week of affirmations. It fascinated me how things 'loosened' even further in the last couple of days: meal times were when they were ready and were/were not announced, the pre-dinner names circle fizzled out which was  shame as it had been a moment when we saw who had arrived or left and it gave a moment to 'fix' names to people... apart from those who thought i...

So: on a day when LOTS was going on: picnics by the river and a teddy bear’s event in the castle and much madness and mayhem, I finally succumbed to the coughing lurgy that has been dancing around the gathering. I suspect Moss to be “Typhoid Mary” in this instance lol as we were smoking together the night before- it was worth it for the laughs! I went to Haltwhistle for some nasty chemical cough medicine that has, in the past been very effective if I nip the contagion as early as I can. Woke up to a “modified” Gun Room, courtesy of Cary which was pretty cool. There are less of us here now and it gave the space a bit more intimacy. Around lunchtime five of us set out for Hadrian’s Wall. Another car load was also going, one of the family was uber irritated that they hadn’t finalised arrangements “Where the hell are we actually going?!” I tried to help by googling and came up with Brampton. We got to Brampton and found that the wall was over three miles away and headed for Lana...

About twenty people have left and there is a different energy at the castle. I was in a very reflective mood all day. A tad bitchy too: one guy said to me "Oh you're always in here!" I said "Hmmm and every time I see you, you have food!"lol Had a chat with Shokti about problems with the Heart Circles...  Found out that I am, in addition to being "Double Capricorn with Libra rising, a Metal Rat"! There is another one here, but I confess to have been avoiding him- there is something strangely predatory about him I dislike. Which leads to a key grappling point for me: I feel too easily judgmental no matter how much I try to avoid it. I am unable to "love" everyone I meet when they transgress certain rules for me like invading my space or being overly aggressive or arrogant or dismissive or superior. Whilst these days my outward expressions of those feelings are suppressed I am still processing them internally. There is another person here ...

A really cool day was slightly  marred by the surprising thoughtless carelessness and arrogance of an individual but more of that later… I got to spend a lot of time with Jarvis today. I know he’s ok in the room, but I didn’t like to see him alone so I found Choice and asked if I could take him out. In the event Jarvis pretty much led, he was particularly keen to investigate rabbit warrens and we found a rather well- made football which he immediately attacked. Later, in the Gun Room he had a great time systematically destroying it. He was pretty chilled hanging out with him till Choice came to feed him. He ended up staying in the Gun Room later than I did.  Today was a lazy Sunday and things were allowed to 'slip'. Quite a few people left today for work tomorrow, some taking others who needed lifts. There's a different feeling in the castle today. The weather was a bit chilly but sunny, locals appeared with dogs at a respectful but no doubt curious distance. Qui...

There's a tradition at these events to have a talent show/cabaret towards the end. When I first encountered this at Laurieston it was great: a mixture of "party pieces" and first-timers sticking their necks out to overcome fears and perform often for the first time it could be moving and profound. Performers did so in the certainty of a good response. Sadly for me; that perfect audience  meant that literally anyone would then step up- the worst- and final such event I attended was at Laurieston about 15 years ago where some guy subjected the audience to 23 minutes of "improvised piano"... He'd never played the piano before in his life. The "rules" meant that nobody could give him the hook, so they sat there like sheep. I left. The Faeries have entrenched that further by calling their events "No Talent Shows" and people are told "The worse you are, the more we'll love you!" Perhaps it is my background in training performers...

I helped Moss with a “fusion” workshop with groups of people wanting to dance, drum and paint simultaneously. It was a good idea and would have been more successful if it hadn’t been in the morning: several interested parties hadn’t quite sorted themselves out by 10:30 lol. It was good though. Snail did a “Jackson Bollocks” piece after getting bored using his painted feet on the paper lol. I was also down for kitchen duty so reported to Kaidos and made some hummussy concoction that went down well. Much pot-washing again. LOL there are people here who are regularly whingeing or offering “advice” but I have never noticed them actually contributing to the gathering. I only find myself even thinking about such things when I hear their improved ideas for this or that: usually things that had been thought about well in advance or done in response to issue the whiners haven’t thought about. None of what I’ve heard has been malicious- mildly mischievous at most or just stupid! For myse...