Phew!

What a SHIT year that was!

I began 2016 knowing there was a problem with my job but it took them until the end of August to sort it out by which time I was bitter and twisted and well-pissed off. I'm still angry about how politely I was used by the "naice" (sic) people for whom I worked whilst they needed me to continue the menial part of my job for their convenience and ignored my mounting frustration at not being able to do what I took the job to achieve. I am slightly salved by the pretty universal verdict of their dismal failure and the knowledge that things are going to be even worse for them until they finally leave.

I got over the  shock of my plans for my company's "Main Project" being scuppered by the owner of the building we wanted to salvage and renovate. At the time I accepted culpability for venting my frustrations here in this blog prior to a meeting where I found that some of my assumptions were wrong but  I refuse to accept the over-reaction as 100% to do with me. I'm most happy it happened before receiving the HLF offer that would have gifted significant repairs to a building from which we might have been evicted on a whim.

I chucked away my "nest egg" on that project- well: on the enterprise that was central to it. At least I provided employment for someone for nine months and paid rent and bills. [Actually I feel very sorry for him: he has hobbled himself for the sake of his "baby-mother" who clearly doesn't understand what she's got in him and whom she treats with utter contempt like a handyman/gofer. She is certainly no oil-painting, but clearly 'willing' so perhaps they deserve each other... No, I don't believe that. It is clear that she takes after her mother who used her partner in pretty much the same way. Had I not funded that enterprise I'd be having a much more comfortable redundancy but, hey that stuff's for sharing! It has been a costly proof that I was right too: the guys fought me over producing "raw", "honest" pieces over my insistence that the majority of buyers would want completed items that immediately enhance their homes or gardens. We now have a couple of thousand pounds worth of furniture etc that will double in value and attract buyers if it is finished as I had requested in the first place! 

Richard came over the other day. I was expecting him to chuck in the towel and leave the company but he wanted to leave some files with me and chat about what we plan to do this year. IF we're awarded the building, life will be exciting but we need to sort out a plan B. The project has taken a hit due to the guy who allowed/encouraged me to see and plan around him as the Lead in the Community Bee Club project. I know little about bees and relied entirely on him and an asylum-seeker from Georgia whose family business is honey. Unfortunately, as an asylum-seeker he can't actually earn money. Being let down by the other guy has meant that we have lost three of the six colonies which has put back out plans for 2017 BIG TIME even if/WHEN I do find a replacement

I feel like I survived 2016. I've been pretty much in hibernation since before Christmas- no cash meant no excessive spending etc, though in the last few years all I've done is spend money on presents. I've often said that had I kids or a partner I'd "do" Christmas and all that. I confess that the only time I find myself experiencing pangs for partnership is between Christmas and New Year- there's sometimes a slight resurgence around my birthday in a couple of weeks. I am feeling and looking my age today! Not shaved for weeks and my beard and remaining hair are almost white! Hmmm... No, it will have to come off- I am torn between looking my age and feeling scruffy! I 

I lost a friend to breast cancer another to AIDS-related dementia with complications and a third attempted suicide but was mercifully saved. Depression is so insidious: I was astonished that this most popular of a particular group of friends could have failed to notice how loved and cherished he is. Now we're having to stop him from apologising to everyone.

I feel like I dodged a bullet re the job for which I was interviewed recently. Too often I have found myself working for organisations that are just not what they think they are and I can trace the problems back to the interview. If they had offered me the job after a 23 minute interview I'd not have thought about it, till things started to go wrong. How do I know that is likely? -They didn't plan their recruitment properly, haven't managed the admin around the interviews (I know someone who is still waiting to hear what has happened re their interview) and they were unable/unwilling to answer a direct question at the end of the interview about THEIR vision for the role.

I do feel energised in a "The Best Revenge is Success"- kind of way. I need to effect a major change to the way I both do business and am SEEN to operate. I have to penetrate the veil of assumption that I do what I do solely for personal gain. It has not escaped me that the people who most vociferously espouse such a notion are those who are in jobs where mine have jostled them or others whom it is clear and well known that they do what they do for selfish reasons.

I don't make New Year Resolutions, but I WILL write more fiction this year and complete my first playscript in 20.