No!

I got a disturbing call from the son of a friend with whom I'd lost touch for a couple of years telling me that my friend had attempted suicide over the Christmas period. I was gutted and glad that he is still around. He moved to the country several years ago having had it with S.E. London. Almost immediately, had a car accident AND unrelated health issues so it has not been what he hoped for. 

 It was good to speak with the son. He'd briefly lived with me and a partner when we lived in Hampstead after deciding he wanted greater independence than his dad afforded him- which, by the way, was much more than most, but that's teenagers for you! He's been "travelling" but has bought some land in Portugal and is living with his girlfriend in Sweden for some of the year. He'll be here for his dad on Monday. I'd lost his dad's number for some time- when a mutual friend was heading down his way I couldn't help her find his number. It was hard finding the courage (?) to call him. He didn't respond at first but when we did speak it was great- even acknowledging what's going on for him. I now have to navigate keeping in touch without it appearing that I'm just 'checking up on him'.
I don't know if that put me in a state of negative reflection but it became a hard day for me. I'd been working on an application for an Associate Director job running the Youth Company of one of the main theatres here. I make a pretty convincing argument I think and would expect to get an interview (Yeah, right), BUT... I can't help thinking that the fact that I haven't actually done this work for THIRTY years, haven't kept up with latest trends and fads (though I COULD find out I suppose) AND the fact that I KNOW they would ask me what theatre I've seen recently to which I'd have to reply "none", would all work against me. -I keep away from theatre in Newcastle for several reasons: little presented attracts or interests me and when I DO go, it is with trepidation that what I see will have been worth the effort. Theatre I've seen here has either tried so bloody hard to be "experimental" that it is like expensive student theatre or its just dull. I've seen 'classic' modern plays have the life sucked out of them by directors who ended up going to national companies! Now: if this Associate Director job was not for the youth company, I'd still go for it; I remain confident of my abilities as a director; I don't think they've abated and I'm certainly BETTER than most of the things I have seen in the last year or two!

 No, rereading the application, it is strong and, I think it would get me an interview, but I don't think I'd be selected... I'm assuming this company is more organised than the one to which recently applied and if they didn't ask me at interview about the theatre I'd seen I'd realise they aren't as good as I think they are!

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