DOUBT

 -and a certain amount of anger!

I was prompted to be a foster carer after dealing with the lads I've had as care-leaving lodgers since 2019: Only one of them, in my opinion, has what he needs to survive without social services support. One has been in care since he was ten, he's now twenty-one and his understanding of the world is "limited" to say the least. The stories I've been told about what has passed for "care" made me furious and determined to be the best foster carer I could be. Of course, I expected my character to be investigated but I was not prepared for it to be questioned.

First there was immense who-ha about my encounter with the law in 2014 when I was abused by a woman whom I ended up calling a "fat slag" after she'd spent ten minutes calling me a "stupid fokkin' cont". She told the police that she and her small children had been traumatised by their encounter with a large black man and because I admitted to eventually calling her "a fat slag" [in a polite, posh voice lol] as I left whilst she refused to admit that she had abused me, I lost the case. The social worker asked me if I had any regrets and if there was anything I would do differently. I am annoyed by this as I feel that I was the victim in 2014, I was told I would not have to mention it after three months and nearly eight years later I am being asked to atone for something about which I've already suffered an injustice.

Worse followed: The 'panel' interview was supposed to have happened in early December. I had asked about fostering in the previous December and wanted it to be sorted by Christmas 2021 as my longest lodger would be leaving then. I sent my first "i've not heard anything" message at the end of January. I was assured it would done by Christmas, but it was delayed by the police DBS. It was supposed to have happened yesterday, but I was told on Monday that it was to be postponed again for a week after concerns had been raised about the alleged "sexualised" images found on my Facebook Background Pictures...

...I've been having subtle problems with the social worker assigned to me: he seems very defensive and I feel he is not enjoying his work. When he was trying to get me to express contrition over the incident described above I refused and said that if that was the required criterion I wouldn't then foster... I should mention that he says that he personally hasn't any problems with my application but procedures need to be followed.["All Hail the God "Proceedure"!]. I find myself feeling sorry for him, as I generally do any social workers I meet...

...It was explained that the parents of children in care are often unhappy about not having their children and will seek opportunities to criticise the foster carers and social workers as much as they can. I accepted that, but: my Facebook is set to "friends" so the only thing that can be seen by others is the Background Pictures. I also don't use Facebook to engage in the sort of exchanges I think the panellists fear. I ALSO reject the images as being sexualised. I do not equate nudity with pornography, I suppose that makes me more  developed than the pannelists(!). In any case: as much as I enjoy a good sweary moment from time to time, I don't swear infront of young'uns. I worry that young people are increasingly oversexualised anyway so that is not something I would have been encouraging with my charges.

In any case, I found myself reeling from this latest setback and wondering if foster carers always have such a difficult route- could that be part of why there is a shortage of them? It is hard not to wonder if everyone has a similar experience or wether my sexuality and, hey, perhaps my ethnicity have a part to play. After having systematically shut down other things to make sure I would be able to give fostering my full focus, I find myself questioning the whole thing. -I accept that part of it might be avoiding the embarrassment of being rejected as I think I would owe it to myself to explode and make the biggest stink I could!... I accept how childish that would be, but I begin to be weary of the effort of appearing bland and equitable in the face of outrageous treatment. I will definitely NOT pretend in any way or say what they want me to say assuming this panel comes off. I will wait for their decision before I decide whether or not to take up the opportunity.