Delusions?
Black men and women who achieve any leadership or representative position are often given the choice of toeing the line almost in the hope of their ethnicity not being noticed, or running the gauntlet of being casually othered if not subjected to overt racism.
Black workers are habitually subjected to greater scrutiny, expectations are lower: Black managers contend with the rumours that their appointment was political rather than based on their merits. The remit of my first job did not match the needs and demands of the "underprivileged" young Black clients so I instinctively developed the service to match the need. I did that partially because it was needed but also because it was immediately clear that to have done the job in the way that it was originally presented would have been to fail and no doubt to fulfill some expectations.
I was acutely aware of how much more I had received and experienced in my life when compared with the young people I first served. It was entirely natural for me to take on an Advocate role to create access to as broad a range of cultural and social development opportunities for them as I could. In fact; the revolutionary "Combination Ltd" based at The Albany Empire (now "The Deptford Albany") encouraged that kind of thinking. The (very brilliant) Artistic Director was aware that the very existence of the £4m building meant money wasn't available for other cultural organisations and activities, she instilled a sense of interorganisational mutual support and development. For me, the priority was to secure as much as I could for the young people I led.
Advocacy remained central to my community development work and I became very good and successful at it. The problem with being an advocate is that there are almost always people who are or who feel attacked or left out by that advocacy. In my case, I constantly butted against the Arts Council, whom I renamed 'The Arse Council'. As the literal arbiter of publicly funded arts in England, the Council issued regular diktats often about minority ethnic representation, but it was often clear how performative those actions were when one actually tried to access the programmes.
As a PAID arts worker, it was my RESPONSIBILITY to represent creative professionals too afraid to raise criticisms themselves for fear of being prejudicially in future encounters with the Arse Council. Of course, publicly, The Arse Council denied the existence of 'blacklists' which several artists and some Arse Council insiders had experienced.
When I developed 'The North East Cultural Diversity Arts Forum' into 'Intercultural Arts', its focus was on the professional development of creative professionals from minority ethnic communities who were active in Northeast England. That work brought me into regular conflict with the Arse Council. I became their bogeyman. I know that my name was mentioned with dread in certain committees (e.g. The Newcastle-Gateshead Cultural Venues Group) because I would POLITELY challenge them on practices which excluded local diverse creative talent. It became easier for them to moan about me than to address systemic issues. The artists refused to be identified as being dissatisfied, for fear of losing funding- even when I explained that the funding WOULD disappear if they didn't acknowledge the work Intercultural Arts was doing for them, -which did happen in 2011 - 2013.
I know that my skin colour WAS a factor in achieving early successes like a place on the Bristol 'Old Vic' Theatre School's Directing course (which was pretty much a waste of time, but that's another story!) and even my job at the Albany Empire included the intrigue that, based on my CV and application, they thought I was a posh white guy and initially DIDN'T shortlist me because they wanted a Black person but were afraid to state it in the advertisement. Later in my caereer it became clear that employer's expectations were often much lower than my own or what was needed. The last job I did in London was one of my biggest salaries but when I began to do the development work the Board had requested, they backtracked and all but asked me to remain CEO but not to actually DO anything, so I resigned.
I have resigned more often than most people! I need to feel fulfilled and valued as well as to respect the people for whom I am working- a combination which became harder to secure. I amconfident that, had I stayed in London, I would not have had so much difficulty in finding work in the last few (pre-covid) years. Newcastle and the Northeast is a comparatively small 'pond' with a population approximately double that of the London Borough of Lewisham. The downside is that it is easy for a reputation to travel throughout the creative sector and negative assumptions are always more effectively disseminated than positve stuff. As someone who has publicly called out Arse Council LIES and mistakes, my enemies were strategic, implacable and even vindictive. But, as I said: I was unusual because I recived a (smaller than I had become used to) salary as I served creative professionals with only sporadic incomes. I felt it was my duty to take the flak on their behalf, I do regret that none of them were prepared to stand and be counted at a crucial point in a development project I'd worked on for nearly seven years, which led to the reallocation of a £750,000 grant from Newcastle to London.
I'm not SO deluded that I think NONE of my career issues are my fault. I COULD have been more indulgent of well-paid people in power, I COULD have pretended not to have noticed glaring mistakes which harmed my clients, I COULD have just got on with my job as written regardless of the palpable needs that sprang up around the work etc. I'm also aware that I find it hard to deal with people in power who are simply crap at their jobs and that my contempt is often obvious. But as I reflect, I believe more and more in a kind of buyer's remorse where employers got more than they expected when they employed me and then tried to hold me back. The Board of Intercultural Arts was the most disappointing: I created a dynamic agency for advocacy, promotion and career development but had a Board, led by a nice and well-meaning local politician, who were more interested in the performative aspects of being on the Board of a regional organisation for creative development than to actually deliver the CHANGES the sector needed. They were not up to the task of leading a transformational organisation and most of them resented the work they were requested to do.
As a side note: being "openly Gay" hasn't really helped either LOL! Growing up in a time when it became APPARENTLY more acceptable to be open about one's homosexuality, in practice there have always been downsides. It used to be an acceptable generalisation that Black communities were less accepting of LGBTQ people than others, I'm not sure if that is still the case, but I have sensed change. Nevertheless: being a visible gay man who is also Black is, or at least was a difficult role to play. I have received backlash from Black communities because of sharing my sexuality- writing a column in Gay Times, running the London Lesbian and Gay Centre, and being on a late night Channel 4 discussion programme: 'Doing it With You Is Taboo'. I would get praise (generally lol) from the LGBTQ communities and distain from Black communities who believed I brought "shame" to the image of the Black man in Britain.
LOL... some years after the Arse Council announced there would be no more need for organisations like Intercultural Arts, the Arse Council created http://artscouncil-ni.org/the-arts/participatory-arts1/intercultural-arts which looks and sounds pretty damned close to the development plans I'd been hawking since 2006. <smile> That is only one of the times where my ideas have not been developed, only for them to be presented by someone else later and be accepted.
So, in conclusion... As I note the career trajectories of some of my white peers, I feel that had I delivered the same energies and inputs and had been a white man, I would not have had the difficulties I experienced and would have been more secure at the end of my working life.
Just an opinion, but I think I can justify it!
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