Training

I was a little cynical about the 'pre-selection foster carer training' I was signed up for before I did it last week. I had already done what I was told was 5/6ths of it when I became an Approved Landlord for Care-Leavers in 2019. I was also getting over a cold from the week before AND I was concerned that I'd have difficulty getting to the place by public transport.

In the event, the trip was easy-enough and the council building jumped out of the scenery when I got to Byker Village. I got there early on the first day and the receptionist didn't know anything about it and tried to send me away. I was polite but terse and told her I would not leave but that I would wait until it was nearer to the start time. In the end I found the right place and found that there was just one otherwould-be forster carer to take part. I was embarrassed about my head-cold: I was producing excessive amounts of phlegm and went through tens of tissues.

Anyway... I have to say that I got a LOT more out of the training than I had expected to. Some of the things talked about hit me hard. I began to tink of people I've known who displayed behaviours that seemed to come straight out of the examples used. Some of the scenarios of neglect that cause Social Services to take children from their parents were shocking and moved me to the core. -Like the couple who cooked and for themselves and left their children to fight for leftovers!!! I was close to tears a couple of times.

I had been saying that I was open to kids of any age- and I am, but it is clear that planning before meeting the child will be a mistake, I think the only way me fostering will work is if I create a bespoke approach for each child. I showed some of the material to my friend whose daughter gave birth last year. She immediately asked if she could borrow it to show her daughter but accepted that she was unlikely to read or accept its suggestions. Stories of this child and his parents jangled through my head during the training. I have been restricted re commenting as I haven't been a parent and it isn't acceptable to comment on other people's parenting but you really don't need to be an expert to know that that child is in... well, danger.

Part of my motivation for changing to fostering is that the lads I've looked after have brought problems or issues with them that made me wish I'd encountered them earlier rather than at the end of their time as looked after young people. The experience has begun to make it clear to me HOW to be an excellent foster carer and I have decided to take it very seriously. I have a lot of reading to do and will write my own responses to what I review. 

One thing did strike me as strange: I found out that foster carers are required to keep DAILY notes on their wards and have to complete regular review exercises to renew their focus on and understanding of fostering principles. I asked how long that had been in place and they said 'more than twenty years'. i found that strange because of the stories one of my current lodgers have told me about his experiences with different foster carers. It is hard to see how he could be telling the truth because of the procedures in place to ensure the child is heard and protected. But he is consistent (i.e. repetitive) about these stories and will relate them at the drop of a hat. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is common amongst Looked After Children and I know that this lad's mother was alcoholic, perhaps that has something to do with his difficulties around communicating with people and why everything in his world is so dark. He has a habit of comming home and moaning about the horrible things that have happened to him that day. If I ask him what pleasant things happened, there are usually more of those, but he doesn't give those things as much value as he does to bad news.