They're not ready!

I'm a member of a group of "radical" queers who are committed to alternative ways of being and relating to each other.

There's a Facebook page for the group where recently I posted a couple of things about racism in Gay communities. I posted them because I've been involved with alternative queer groups since the 1990s and have rarely encountered more than one or two other people of colour at any event especially if they're residential events, the same has been true of this group. I was curious to see how they'd respond.

It was really sad that they responded in very typical ways. From dismissive to defensive: "Black people are racist too", "there is too much madness in the world"- to be discussing this at the moment, "there's plenty of racist white gays. There are also plenty racist black gays." This last comment was from the group's central figure and was most disappointing because of that. He presents a very spiritual persona which I believe to be sincere, but this comment revealed to me a serious blind-spot. I responded with regret and more than a little tact and an acknowledgement of my own blind-spots and difficulties with sections of the community. The conversation became about the fact that some white guys had been asked to leave space created by people of colour and had felt hurt by that. There was even the inevitable well-meaner who intoned the "black people can't be racist because..." meme.

Eventually, one of the wiser elders contributed; saying that he wished people could have these conversations in person rather than over social media. Come to think of it; he often makes similar comments and just wishes everyone could get on! I was moved to respond that it seemed obvious to me that the group just wasn't ready for any in depth exploration of this subject. I've been involved in groups long-enough to have experienced what usually follows: hurriedly convened meetings where white people discuss THEIR experiences of exclusion and the few black members end up feeling cornered and isolated and perhaps a little embarrassed about ever having brought it up. I realised that I'm not motivated to change the group; I think this is a change that needs to come from its white members if it is to be effective and sustainable. I am a little sad to prove what I've thought: that this truly radical group isn't as evolved as it thinks it is... But I already knew that really. I've noticed before that some members are better at saying what is expected than actually walking that talk. I also found myself "in judgement" over people when I noticed this dichotomy. One guy in particular has spat out his dummy over a simple misunderstanding, but refuses to step off that high horse until the drama has been played out to the full. It is one reason why I am always just a little bit removed from the heart of the action at events but I very much appreciate those events for the opportunities they give me to experience other queer people in an environment where bagging a shag or getting wasted aren't the most important things on the agenda.

I just have to accept that, in UK at least, I've not been able to find queer people of colour keen to explore this alternative lifestyle. I expect such groups experience similar issues on different topics. Humans are messy and flawed creatures after all. There is definitely more opportunity in America to find radical queer groups of people of colour but you couldn't pay me enough to move there- even if they'd have me!