Roller Coasting

Well, the potential suitor proved not to have matured with age and was blatantly attempting to string me along - or was fooling himself, about seriously contemplating a move to Newcastle. The number of 'slips' he made wasn't even funny by the end. I was as clear as I could be consistently telling him I didn't want a "long distance relationship" and listed the reasons they have never worked for me and are not attractive to me. I made it clear that if sex was the sole motivation it would not satisfy me- I can get sex in Newcastle whenever I want it pretty much, why should I wait for the occasional visits of a peripatetic partner?

He visited last week end and it was soon clear we were on different pages. The weekend visit is the worst experience of the Long Distance Relationship in my opinion as so much tends to get crammed into a short amount of time usually when both really need to chill. On the Saturday I was made to wait for hours whilst he was "doing some work"- which turned out to be posting on facebook- entirely acceptable to him and indicative of how he viewed me I thought. By Sunday it was pretty much over, though I thought we could be civil and accepting that it wasn't to be- because he finally admitted he wasn't planning to move, but to my surprise I got the most bemusing message on facebook laying the responsibility of our problems at my feet and entirely sidestepping the issue that he had lied about his intentions.

Interestingly: I had been feeling quite... void until engaging in the ridiculous exchange of messages with him attempting to recriminate me for an anger I don't feel and doggedly avoiding all attempts to get him to acknowledge and take responsibility for his dishonestly. Now, I feel quite exhilarated and relieved to have (re)discovered what he is really like before having made irrevocable commitments to him.

I am EXCELLENT at identifying emotionally inarticulate and immature men! Why the feck are they so often so cute? I tend to think there are an inordinate number of them in England too!

Oh: I failed my driving test, but only just and am confident I will pass the next time. 7 minor faults in total (out of a maximum of 15) but I messed up during the "follow the signs to..." section and indicated improperly whilst changing lanes at a nasty roundabout as I realised I was heading the wrong way.

We're about to start the project for which we've won funding and had a great meeting with one of our key partners yesterday. It occurred to me that this organisation is better funded than the organisation I joined in 2006 and built up to become "Intercultural Arts" I strongly believe the trustees of that organisation just let it die because they didn't want the responsibility of actually DOING something! It is refreshing and exciting to be working independently of any over-cautious Board and with friends who have experienced the sort of bullshit against which I have railed for too much of my professional life. We're equally committed to demonstrating that there are alternatives to the prevailing ways of doing things.

POSTCRIPT.

The correspondence continued for a few days- in that he sent me daily musings on his assessment of my mental state, based on his instictive insights as an exerienced educator- even citing examples of interactions with his pupils! He goaded then pleaded for a response that it amused me not to give after his response to my last message to him taunted me about wanting the last word. [Lol]. By the time he finally admitted- after a fashion that he MIGHT have been in some way culpable for... whatever that was, I felt totally purged of any desire for further interaction with him, finally found the blocking feature on facebook and felt an unanticipated relief...I hadn't realised how much energy I have been wasting when I need to focus on my work. In a couple of weeks- wooooo! I can't carry excess baggage... I had thought I had found an ally, a compadre- a partner and I also KNOW that I don't actually NEED one to achieve what want to achieve.