Getting into a Groove

OF COURSE; the payment I was expecting on Thursday didn't come. I had to contact people and found that 'it hadn't been processed so they were just going to wait until the next pay run (in a fortnight) and sort me then. LOL. I made it clear that was not an option and a "favour" was allegedly performed to release the funds by Tuesday... As EVERY deadline in last three years has been missed, I'll not be holding my breath! It is annoying because one of the barriers to me becoming a Foster Carer was that I didn't want to do it when I needed the money. It has take over a year to get to this point during which time I have been discouraged from continuing to seek external work and so I am dependant on this cash.

-Which focusses my mind even more on being THE BEST I can be... which is not entirely healthy as I have been wrestling with fears that the lad will be bored because I can't talk with him about computer games and the sorts of things that fourteen-year olds dicuss. From what I hear when he is playing online with others it is mainly a series of chirrups and skwawks!

we ventured out for fast food in town on Saturday- it was a bit of an effort for me to ignore the futility of it lol, but it was as much about sight-seeing and being seen. Michael greeted a teaching assistant and a Maths teacher from his school as we trolled around the shopping centre and Grainger market.

My friend is still going through the mill. The weekend was difficult for him, today was a milestone and it seems he has passed it admirably. I have been coaching him to try to stop analysing things instead of experiencing them. I think he had a bit of a breakthrough today which involved 'acting happy to feel happy'. - the performance became more real as it continued. He needs to unlearn some thought patterns- It is no surprise that part of his degree is in something like forensics! I was able to share my own overthinking journey. I experienced persistent thoughts about things I could not change which fuelled my depression. One day I realised that a switch had been turned off. I don't remember the moment it happened, but I do know that I had been working on being 'present' as much as I could and experiencing what was actually happening to me rather than what HAD or MIGHT happen.

I THINK my 'charge' and me have hit a groove. I think he is secure and content. I make him aware that I am giving him freedoms he may not have had before because I want him to value them and not take them for granted. LOL I am also still prepared to find everything change or that he has been 'doing a number on me' all along... But... -he just doesn't seem to be that kind of kid. 

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