Miss Sarah Sampson

There's a line in a play by Gotthold Lessing called "Miss Sarah Sampson": "One can not always have the friends one would ideally choose"... I have a friend whose company I enjoy- for the most part, and I really enjoyed them when I first met them but, and it is a big "BUT"; Now we're more relaxed with each other after five or so years, there is more and more about them which I am experiencing as toxic. At times I feel like ending all contact with them permanently, part of my reason for not doing so is that I know that, despite the confidence and vigour of their often outrageous arguments and ideas, I know they don't really understand much of what is going on but they've become accustomed to offering their opinion regardless of any knowlede on the subject. I've rarely met anyone with so little empathy- a complete inability to put themselves in another position.

On the other hand; I am blessed with friends who make me think they are original templates for perfect human beings, people around whom I feel inadequate and in awe and that by being with them I am learning and improving myself as a human being. -Those people inspire me to re-evaluate my life and how I am living it and I feel enriched by even the smallest contact with them. I have been thinking about my goddaughter's father a lot recently, partially because I haven't heard from him in a while which is odd, not only is he a physically attractive man, he is literally one of the nicest people I have ever met. I've known him since 1997.

The other friend likes to take positions! They read things online or in the media which endorse their opinions and then claim that as definitive proof of what are just their personal prejudices. Paedophilia is one of their perpetual pet rants. I am in no way a paedophile apologist, but as someone with a deep distrust of 'the media', I refuse to accept stories at their face value. Of course, as I am not a parent, my views are considered less valid than theirs as they have three children. This friend prefers to take what they think to be a high moral ground and announce complete belief in any victim's story and to lament the lack of a death penalty for the perpetrator. In their opinion; Michael Jackon was a sick monster preying on young boys so his music should be destroyed and recorded performances banned. For my part, I can't possibly KNOW that to be true. The friend thinks that once someone has been caught or convicted of a sexual offence against a child there is no way that person can be rehabilitated- even when it is a young teenager. -Given their way, that teenager will NEVER be allowed to move on from their crime... I don't think that is healthy or just or serves anyone apart from the performative 'Shocked of...' people- the victims are rarely helped by having that stigma over them as they grow up.

Of course, paedophilia is a revolting reality and everything we can think of needs to be done to protect children. But, I believe it is naive to think that the 'child' is always entirely the innocent victim. (!) I'd never dare say that in social media, but I KNOW of young women who have been devious and resourceful to 'bag' a celebrity who is then pilloried if they fell for the honeytrap. 'Gazza' was recently photographed asleep in a hotel room with and by a couple of attractive young women- foolish of him perhaps, but the fact that he was incapable of staying awake surely says something. Of course I accept that an adult has more responsibility than the younger person but the line between abuse and entrapment often seems thin and blurred to me. I don't immediately accept that men are always the perpetrators against women.

LOL perhaps part of it is that I see so few adults at the moment that there is a fear that if my social circle shrinks much more it simply won't exist! Unfortunately, the more I make a point of not rising to my friend's BS and calling them out on the more outrageous and easily debunked bollocks, the more they seem intent to seek out those places to elicit a reaction.

I'd love to have more friends like my Goddaughter's father or to be able to see and spend more time with him and his family but we're in different countries for a start. One of the things I love about him is that he is comfortable-enough in his heterosexuality to be openly affectionate with me without care of how it might 'look' to other people. More proof of the fact that he is almost universally respected by those who know him is a story about him being punched by a drunk off duty policeman who was transferred to another station once the story came out. LOL it would be nice to have that reputation: if it were me I'd be in jail! As I said before: knowing him gives me teaching and inspiration about how to be a good human being, perhaps I could introduce him to my other friend, I doubt it would make much difference.