Do I????

 

Yesterday I received a proposal- of sorts, not for marriage exactly but near as damn it.

A friend and ex lover who has been going through a series of familial difficulties called to 'touch base' and update me on latest developments. He is trying to arrange time to come to stay with me for a week or so which would be great as I've not seen him for over a year although we do speak fairly regularly.

My 'relationship' with him was one of the ten main reasons I left London! -Less to do with our own dynamics as it was to do with his lack of freedom and fear of coming out to his extensive extended family. I understood, but it did me no good: yet another relationship that was going nowhere. It is funny; sex has dropped down my list of priority drives in recent weeks and I have felt increasingly relaxed about that. It has been as if I decided to take time out from the seemingly endless drive and expectation to 'couple'. Having rejected the available online apps and still not feeling faintly interested in hitting the Newcastle 'scene' I accepted that the possibilities of finding any new 'Love Interest' were low in any case. It is interesting that I felt somehow 'lighter' as a result and only slightly sad at being a sixty-year-old bowing out of the game. I felt it better to be alone and able to live with my actions than to potentially become one of the sad old pervs I've unfortunately encountered in my time.

My friend has been going through the mill recently and for the last year or so. Whilst talking about his impending visit, he told me that the problem he's facing will take a year to finish and that he wants to retire in another two years after that. He is a bit younger than me but has accumilated enough wealth to retire early. In his characteristic style he has sorted everything out: he has seen a house in North Yorkshire he wants me to sell my house and join him in purchasing in three years time. I told him I wasn't interested in Yorkshire, but I do like County Durham where our money would buy much more than the house he'd found. 

I saw no problem in NOT putting him off despite the typical abruptness of his 'planning'. A lot can happen in three year. Yes, I can definitely see myself living with him, but I don't believe his powerful and intrusive family will allow him to be himself- they will be irredemably shocked if he came out. I've known him for twenty-five-ish years and don't believe he will ever be able to accept the "shame" of his ('Latino') family finally finding out about his sexuality.

If anything does happen, I will make sure people get good advance warning so they can go to buy hats!