Black OR Queer!

 

A year after George Floyd was killed by a racist police officer in Mineapolis there has been a marked increase in discussions about "race", dramas and documentaries have been aired and people are having conversations they would not have thought about before. More white people are questioning the way they perceive the world: the position of the white experience as the default or 'norm' is being challenged; white standards of beauty are no longer accepted without question; groups and organisations are reviewing their practices to identify unconscious bias and institutional racism... I have not experienced any of those discussions or explorations among LGBTQ groups, with the exception of a Black gay Facebook page based in America.

I tried to generate conversation about this in a Facebook page for Radical Faeries of Colour which may have had more white members than members of colour. After an argument erupted at my suggestion that it might be a space for Faeries of Colour only and the "High Priestess/Head Shaman" [my sarcasm] accused me of aggression and the usual stuff white people accuse Black people of when they ask for their own space or fight their own corner before dramatically leaving the group. I called him out by noting that the conversation was there for all to see and, few I believed would support his position. I then realised that I had contributed over 80% of the content on the page before I deleted those shares and left the group.

I was very disappointed with the Fae: they're so much better in many ways to other LGBTQ groups I've encountered, but there is a clear issue around ethnicity: they seem not to acknowledge it. I find that strange. This is a group which revels in celebrating any identity its members present, but seems to avoid acknowledging ethnicity. Recently, I was invited to joing a new group for people of colour on the group's social media site "Faenet". I asked the organiser if it was going to be an exclusive group but got an evasive answer. Eventually I joined and waited. When nothting happened, I asked what the group was for and got a... wishy washy response. I decided to share what was on my mind: that I was keen to be part of discusions about ethnicity among the Fae. One member responded dismissively that there was no difference. -That is clearly silly, the fact that there are rarely more than 3 or 4 people of colour at Fae events and that we're not that well represented across the whole group should raise questions of "why?". It is no surprise that people of colour have different experiences to white counterparts. I am a bit annoyed by the inference that being Fae means any other identity is subjugated.

All I wanted was to discuss experiences with other British Black Fae, but they seem to fear this. It is almost as if they believe themselves to be in a state of perfection that would be challenged by admitting that although all Fae are equal, some Fae are more equal than others! I have realised how much of myself I have routinely suppressed for the comfort of others who are unduly anxious because of my confidence, physical size, articulacy and, of course, my ethnicity. If people of colour responded to every microaggression, ignorant comment or open racism we experienced we would be fighting constantly! We learn to repress most of those feelings, to not allow things to register so that we can ignore most of the lower level irritations. I read and watch one Black person after another talk of things I had almost stopped thinking about or had begun to believe were not that important. The cumilative effect has been like a death by a thousand cuts- individually insignificant but the final effect has been to weaken me and encourage me to minimise myself in encounters so as not to frighten the horses (!).

I have a close friend who finds change hard. They are white and believe that Black Lives Matter et Al are just stirring things up and making it harder for them to say things they've always said and don't see why they need to change now. The most militant part of me wants to kick that friend to the touchline: they won't change and don't see why they should, the friend in me understands the lack of education and an associated lack of empathy which makes it hard for them to change the way they think or to accept that there is anything wrong in what they say because as far as they are concerned they are not at all racist.

SIGH

It may mean greater isolation for me, but I don't thik I can go back to putting up with the crap I have done for so long. I don't want to! I wish there were more Queer people of colour around where I live. Until then I will latch onto American queer people of colour online. As for the Radical Faeries... It is clear that although they're great or at least better than some other groups I've encountered, they're not really for me.