Wildewire

The generosity of a friend cemented the liberation I've experienced on being released from that job. Elation is tempered by the awareness that I have one month to turn any dreams into financial realities. My dreams are HUGE and exciting and dependant on resources I don't currently possess, so I abdicated to my internal pragmatist and have been researching and applying for jobs. For the first time, part time jobs have an attraction for me: earning enough to keep home and hearth hale and hearty and giving me enough time to do the things I actually want to be doing would be amazing. I've lost track of how many jobs I've applied for to the point of attempting to start an application for one I'd already submitted.  It hit me that it is just safety-blanket; I lack the rock-hard conviction of the success of the great plans I've nurtured like ancient Bonsai for years, and that realisation is deflating my balloon. Or perhaps I just needed that realisation to tell...

Nearly 158,300 miles on the clock and scant maintenance over the last year has spelled the end for my car. It is frustrating because the engine is still a beast and the car will accellerate nicely up steep hills overtaking slow lorries etc but it is overwhelmed by a list of growing problems. I muse that having miraculously passed the last MOT test, subsequently I should have been reported to the RSPC-C if it existed. The fact that despite working, I wasn't earning enough to maintain the vehicle on which I relied to get to the job was a big part of my decision to leave. The back-beaking straw has been the failure of the bonnet-release: I can't access the engine to add fluids, change a light-bulb etc. I thought there'd be some knack to this but when a gang of mechanic-minded mates laboured for half an hour to sort it and failed it finally dawned on me that that horse has been well and truly flogged. One of the guys commented that the sound system was worth more than the c...

I sent a terse message to my erstwhile young lodger telling him that as I had heard nothing from him for three weeks I was looking forward to receiving four months of back-dated rent yesterday. That got his attention and he said he was coming back... In the end; I collected him. It is hard to explain the mess into which he has slid without breaking confidences. Suffice it to say that it is as I predicted. He has a choice: to go back to the life and contacts that contributed to him getting into trouble or to start something new at my gaff- away from those influences and supported to make better decisions. I KNOW how to get what he needs from the authorities to which he has to report, but none of the advice I or others have given him has he implemented. He will break down and be contrite when he fucks up, but it is as if he thinks that apologising will make everything alright. He tends to say things he seems to think I want to hear. Consequently; when I speak to him I can rarely be c...

As much as I like "new starts" they're only valid if I've sorted out what went before. Once I gave up the time-wasting notion of proving to my 'boss' that I had at least informed him of everything I'd done in my last job BEFORE actually doing it I realised there were more important things. After all: it WAS my decision to leave; they'd have happily put up with me whilst things were on the up AND there are a couple of projects I hope to go back to complete as an 'independent' so it would have been foolish to antagonise. It weighs heavily on me that I won't be replaced but that one of the supervisors will be expected to take on most of my responsibilities. I am concerned that the employers will take advantage of her mild manner. I have encouraged her to get the union involved to fight on her behalf. For my part; I tried to make sure there were no 'loose ends' for her to deal with by the time I handed back my keys etc.  Filing an...

A friend I'd not seen for a while contacted me and we got chatting. When pressed on my current situation I revealed I'd been carrying a not considerable, but bigger debt than I could service for the last couple of years. It has been obvious that the job I've just done hasn't changed my situation in any positive way. I need to get that debt sorted and there will be light at the end of my tunnel. My friend admonished me for not contacting them before (as if I would!) and told me their company has done so well in the last two years that he was prepared to loan me what I needed for at least a year!!! For reasons not worth repeating I was urged to come to get the cash in person. Travelling to London is an expensive business. I found a couple of cheap tickets but ended up going in the morning and not getting back to Newcastle until 02:00 just to save some dosh. Typically; once I got to London, I headed for Central Station where I had intended to spend the day but my card ...

As my flounces off go; my exit from my current incumbency has been relatively grown up and non-acrimonious. It has been three weeks since I composed and forwarded a letter of resignation dated for teh end of that week, but I met with my boss that Thursday and have been on what I believe is called Gardening Leave ever since. I did a little light email monitoring until last week when I handed back 'phone, ID etc to try to make sure there aren't any loose ends left dangling. I had planned a cunning cross-referencing of emails to prove a particular point about what my boss knew and when, but I realised it would make no difference and that I didn't care what any of my current colleagues think they know about me and what I have done. I have no intention of ever making the mistake of working in the public sector again. There were a couple of projects that won't happen if I don't organise them, I've got agreement for my company to deliver them, which was again; decent...