Fostering Self Assessment

Most of the 'training' so far has been reflective: I've been asked to describe circles of contacts, relationships, sources of support etc. I've noticed a strong emphasis on 'family histories' which I found a little uncomfortable- not because I don't really want to talk about it- which I don't, but more because there seemed to be an unrealistic emphasis on what I said about my family relationships. I resist this. I am happy with my decisions to distance myself from my birth family. I reject the bullshit that says that you have to love/respect your biological family- not if they're knackers you don't!

I've made my own family! OK so, moving to Newcastle has reduced the number of people on whom I know I can unequivocally call, but that is better than the death by a thousand financial cuts I was experiencing from my mother and brothers before I disappeared to Newcastle, (it was a year before I contacted my mother to tell her I had moved out of London). I think it is an important route to good mental health not to hang onto toxic relationships with family members.

I DO appreciate that I have been stimulated to think about my family: how I was brought up etc as a way of thinking about how I would go about looking after a young'un my care. I've told the social worker that i've thought of parenting for many years and a strong theme of those thoughts was NOT to be anything like my own parents! -Of course that is overly dramatic and doesn't acknowledge my mother's efforts to ensure I wasn't another Black statistic- even if she said she was doing it to ensure I could look after her in the manner in which she felt she deserved to be.

We've got three or four more weeks, by which all of the paperwork needs to have been completed ready to be sent to a review panel before which I will ultimately be called and after which I will hopefully be accepted as a 'Building Futures' foster carer. 

The (hopefully) minor problem that may get in the way will be if my present lodger hasn't found somewhere to live by the time they're ready for me to take on a foster kid. it would not surprise me at all if this happens; my lodger lacks initiative and prefers to be in the background, rarely speaking up until he has been passed over. -It is not his fault! In fact, having him as a lodger for the last three years is a major reason for me wanting to foster: he has been in care since he was ten; he has little general knowledge and still seeks permission to do just about anything desipite being almost twenty-one. One of his favourite sayings is "nobody's ever taught me how do to that" -e.g. cut bread with a breadknife. I want/hope that any kid who comes to me leaves better able to deal with the world. My current lodger may have a way still to go, but he is clearly more confident and independent than he was when he came in 2019.

It looks like this is going to be another precarious Christmas for me as I've already lost £600 a month income since my Albanian lodger did a runner and I can imagine there being a time when I have no lodgers and no income. That lottery win would be handy about now!