Wildewire

I'm a bit surprised after the year we've had that this hasn't happened before: on Friday; I had decided I was going to complete and send off an job application I've been considering... In itself that is a strange thing for me to be doing as I intend to be accepted into fostering in a month or so. Part of it is an innate self preservatory sense of a 'Plan B' and its also to do with habit: it feels strange not having something administrative to strive for. Anyway: once I looked into the application, I found a couple of acronyms I had to look up. They were obvious parts of venue management which any manager would do as a matter of course, but have become areas of study in their own right with attached certification. I was becoming more irritated as a progressed because OF COURSE I had 'experience' of PEEPs, for example I could not produce a piece of paper proving that claim. Experience has taught me that I can have 100% of what is requested in a job applica...

Further discussion with my lodger revealed nihilistic depression as the root of his London-bound wish. He is no longer interested in following the route suggested by the social workers mainly because he is convinced that returning to his country with certificates and quaifications won't have a positive impact on his prospects when he is returned 'home'. He talks of how WHO you know will get you a job much more easily than through waving pieces of paper about. I am very inclined to believe him. Instead, he wants to earn as much money as possible so that he will have something on which he will be able to rely in his first months after repatriation. He wants to amass as much cash as possible before he is forced to leave. There are inherent problems with his plan because of his status and, although he has been told he can get highly paid labouring work in London: talk is cheap and doesn't always become action; and living in London is more expensive than living in Newcastle....

C ommunicating with younger people  is sometimes... difficult ! They're polite but not listening! I'd thought that the younger of my lodgers who has been refused asylum in UK, understood the SEVERAL times both me and his social worker have spoken to him about what is potentially possible for him in the time he has before the Home Office gets around to 'invite' him to leave the country. In short: he has been encouraged to stay at college, to get as much training and as many qualifications as he can for two reasons: 1. He will have a final chance to show the Home Office how much of an asset he has been and could continue to be if allowed to stay (it HAS happened before!). 2. If he is returned to his home country he will be 'worth more' as a trained and qualified person. He spent a few days in London and returned lat last night full of how amazing the city is, about how MUCH there is there and how he'd experienced communities from his homeland. In typical youth...

Recent posts have been whiny and critical of other people. I dont want to give the impression that I think I am in any way perfect or without reproach. I can accept that the Fae have their devotees and that few people seem to take the friend I criticised as seriously as I do: it is not uncommon for family members not to inform them of things for fear of their legendary capacity to overreact. It is hard for me to accept not having a creative, or management focus to my life when that has been a cornerstone of my being for so long. In some ways I am experiencing a sort of inertia where considerable emotional energy is being expended to little tangible use. I am used to not complaining about my 'lot' but that hasn't stopped me being critical of some of the people I encounter. I know I am much better off than many people I know and that I have much less reason to whine, but you've got to be good at something! There is A LOT of work to be done on me at the moment! For the mos...

There's a line in a play by Gotthold Lessing called "Miss Sarah Sampson": "One can not always have the friends one would ideally choose"... I have a friend whose company I enjoy- for the most part, and I really enjoyed them when I first met them but, and it is a big "BUT"; Now we're more relaxed with each other after five or so years, there is more and more about them which I am experiencing as toxic. At times I feel like ending all contact with them permanently, part of my reason for not doing so is that I know that, despite the confidence and vigour of their often outrageous arguments and ideas, I know they don't really understand much of what is going on but they've become accustomed to offering their opinion regardless of any knowlede on the subject. I've rarely met anyone with so little empathy- a complete inability to put themselves in another position. On the other hand; I am blessed with friends who make me think they are origin...

When info reached me about a planned upcoming gathering of UK Radical Faeries I realised I'd probably never attend one again. The event will take place in a couple of months if 'Lockdown' rules allow and there'll be about 60 fae together in close proximity for ten days. I immediately thought about how cold and flu viruses have run rampant through previous group events and expected there to be fae who would refuse vaccination and any other protections in preference for their "beliefs" and practices. Sure enough: today I logged onto their social media platform out of morbid curiosity and found a rant from a prominent fae announcing his withdrawal from the organisation because he'd seen something endorsing covid 19 'passports'. Typically and unsurprisingly, the arguments were about "freedom" et al. The ranter mentioned how they'd experienced fae talking in the past about interdimensional time travel (!) and had those views endorsed, so t...

It has been hard to remain... focused (?) in the last couple of weeks. I've had to shake the feeling that I am just wasting my time. Part of the problem has been that I haven't had that much to do. I haven't felt like writing... Actually, that isn't quite true: I have had the urge, but not the inspiration. Most nights I get strong rushes of ideas but even when I write them down I don't feel the same way when I review the notes. I've been toying with sparking up my dictophone and leaving it by my pillow, I confess I've never become used to dictophones, possibly because I don't like to hear my voice. Rather than sit around doing nothing (except hours on Facebook and online news channels, I've had a phase of moving furniture around- it is very therapeutic LOL. I've moved my "office" and created more space in my bedroom as a result, it would be nice to share it with someone but there you go. MORE importantly; I finally got my shower fixed a...

  If " Addiction is  an inability to stop using a substance or engaging in a behavior  even though it is causing psychological and physical harm " then I am not addicted to cannabis. I can and have refrained from using it for extended periods, either because it was unavailable or, to test/prove a point. An ex friend once had a letter printed in 'The Times' in response to an article claiming that cannabis use promotes paranoia. The letter posed the question: 'if drinking port was criminilised similarly to cannabis, might not port drinkers experience paranoia?' I thought that was quite clever, though it was well over twenty years ago; things have changed. There is something called "Cannabis Dependency Disorder", which is an inability to reduce or stop using cannabis... Hmmm...It does sound a tad made up to me in the sense of clinicians setting out to prove something they already believed. In any case, as I have refrained in the past, I'm unconvince...