Bubble Life

I am more than a little appalled to have found myself out of work since August 2018. I was underpaid in my last job to the point where I couldn't afford to maintain the car on which I relied for the 66mile daily commute. Despite responsibility for 15 staff running a council-owned venue with nearly £600K turnover, I found I was being paid the same as the CEO's diary-keeper. If I had known it would have taken this long to find a replacement job, I would have still left as they claimed not to be able to pay me as much as the next lowest paid "manager". Long hours, long commutes and poor pay didn't leave much room for much else so my "social life" had dwindled long before the Covid 19 hit. I had fallen into the custom of having a Green Day with two friends on Saturday or Sunday (depending on NUFC fixtures) since about 2015 and this became my weekly social highlight. 

UK is now into the second Lockdown and although a vaccine- three in fact have been developed, public fatigue is threatening long-term recovery. Government ineptitude and cronyism has seen wasted opportunities and a lot of wasted public money. Despite rising infection rates and rising fatalities it remains trendy to dismiss the dangers, to blame other people and ignore rules and guidelines. People are refusing to take simple steps to contain the spread of the virus when it inconveniences them. It seems obvious that if everyone observed those rules, the infection rate would fall. It is hard to blame "the general public" when celebrities, government ministers, their families and advisors are routinely found  flouting rules. It is also clear that the allocation of retrictive "tiers" to different parts of the country is driven by political rather than medical reasons with the government's supporting districts being treated better than its opponents.

I rely on my bubble for sanity but there have been changes in their lives which filter into our time together and highlight for me the ways in which we are different. I've had raised words with one for two consecutive weeks about issues important to me as a Black and Gay man which they refused to accept as serious. I don't wish to stop our get-togethers but I can't help wondering if that bubble may burst. I have two care-leaver lodgers who provide additional... distractions (and stop the mortgage company from kicking me out of my home), who couldn't be more different from each other: one is an introverted gamer with little initiative- he has been in the system for so long that he doesn't know what to do unless he is instructed and directed, he does not ask for anything or stand up for himself. He is someone to whom unfortunate things happen almost everyday- giving him things about which he can complain. The other fled his eastern European home aged 16 in the hope of making a better life for himself. He is only happy when he has been working and active. They each give me individual challenges, but nothing outrageous or that I can't handle.

I would prefer to be back at work. It may be pathetic to associate self-worth so closely to occupation but there it is: I hate the insecurity of being indebted to utility companies and so reliant on "dole". Until the first Lockdown I was applying for at least two jobs a week and I continued to apply during the lockdowns. I am applying for jobs I could do easily, for which I demonstrated posession of the appropriate skills and experiences but still failed to be selected for interview... I will be sixty years old next month. I wonder if my age or my reputation is my biggest barrier. Being out of work for that length of time becomes an additional barrier to employment in itself. 

What I REALLY want, is to establish the People Centre.