Regular Weekend Madness

Since leaving my last job and STILL waiting for the Council contract I was assured would start "by the end of October", Sundays spent with two of my friends have increased in importance for me. We just 'hang out': listen to music, talk rubbish, share anecdotes, insult each other- its childish and satisfying. We've been meeting in each other's houses for three years! Once, some else was invited, but she completely misread the vibe and got drunk and leery which hasn't encouraged us to make it anything more than it already is!

It has been easy to get fixated on how hard things have been and for far too long. Sundays allow me to let off steam, fantasise and get inspired. I have appreciate the solitude of recent months, though I've not made the use of it I could have done. My curse is my planning tendancy: I feel comfortable and confident when I have assessed the potential outcomes of current actions. I've come to a point where few of my next possible steps don't require someone else to participate or for me to acquire a crucial resource, like cash. When I thought that from November I'd be earning an income nearly as much as I'd been receiving for a highly stressful job requiring 350 miles of travel per week in a failing car, I planned accordingly. I now have NO reserves and have used up just about every gram of goodwill from friends able to help... Of course; if those who owe ME money paid up, I would be sweet.

I allowed myself a break over Christmas-New Year and I confess my mind is a little fogged as I try to get myself back into a positive gear. But, I had been in a bit of a trance before anyway; evidenced by a job application I'd actually completed but not submitted pending my habit of reviewing things like that a few days after having written them. I couldn't remember writing it! - Which is a bit worrying. What was I doing writing job applications anyway? -It shows either a lack of confidence or a clever "Plan B" situation. If a theatre job in my region came my way I'd jump at it... Except that; it has been so long since I've produced theatre and I've seen so little theatre where I now live- because so much of what I HAVE seen has been crap that I know I wouldn't get through a standard interview; they want to know what sort of theatre-person you are by the sort of theatre you go to see.

I AM writing again. But... it is not a play, it is a novel and it will be my first. I am SO worried I keep rewriting what I've written and going back to character plans and plot lines. I am hoping to get into a proper rhythmn and really get going soon; it feels like mountain-climbing at the moment.

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