Wildewire

Moments of crisis are more frequent when I work in isolation. I am confident of my ability to deliver the things I plan but when I look to the people FOR whom I think I'm doing this stuff and can't find them, I question my motives. Added to that: when "wise" friends chorus concern for my plans based on their life/business experiences, it seems more than arrogant of me to continue...  I AM my fiercest critic: I check and re-check my assumptions and plans constantly. IF the people who said they would use the proposed ICONNE Centre anything like as often as they have told me in the past couple of years, it will work! Even if we gave free hires to groups: if those groups attracted audiences to eat and drink in the cafe etc it will work. If families started booking spaces for wedding receptions and other parties, it will work, if the groups who complain of lack of rehearsal and development- let alone

I can only talk about crises when they're over! That is a failing. The ability to ask for help is not easy for me. The last couple of weeks have felt particularly bleak- traditionally so, I read. I had a traffic jam of external expectations and an overriding threat that made it hard for me to organise and focus while my brain was in constant overload. I am surfacing after ditching a couple of things and confessing to a friend that the (unpaid) work I'd promised to do hadn't been done. Its hard not to be nihilistic when reviewing my dogged progress towards The ICONNE Centre against the implacable resistance of Gatekeepers for whom I have scant respect. Had my Cassandra- like prophecies for the future of IcA been listened to, the organisation might still exist- it is the obvious inheritor of the ICONNE Centre, but it would mean that IcA's Trustees would have to actually work! The weakness in too many of the organisations I've served has been their governance committ

How easy it has become  to score points in an argument by accusing an opponent of being aggressive or claiming to be intimidated by them. I don't advocate bullying and bluster, but is it really so wrong to expect people to stand up for themselves in an argument rather than to put on the "hurt" face and manufacture tears in search of sympathy? Given the option, I avoid conflict and I am careful not to engage in one when I'm angry; it has a mildly toxic effect on me;  m y lips quiver  and I can feel sick. At the same time: I find it hard to ignore obvious injustice. I get irritated by ineffectual people who hide behind their job titles and do just enough to maintain their positions. I reported to someone in my only public sector job who was truly pathetic. I used to have to actively meditate before my regular meetings with this individual because so much of what they said incensed me to the point of wanting to slap them. One day, I was told that something I used to

Last year was...pretty crap really for me! It was a constant struggle, like a man overboard in an ocean unsure of which direction to swim for safety. Brown-nosed, self-serving sycophants, some of whom I had dutifully assisted, sailed past in Arse Council-funded super-yachts that made pretty patterns in their wake but communicated no more than endorsements of the mates in office who supported them and ignored those whose faces didn't fit enough to be invited on board. Who you know and how you kiss their butts is the name of the game. Creativity isn't about self expression but about endorsing the status quo to ensure that the people who feather your nest remain in power to reward you with further support. Learn a few esoteric, half-understood phrases to create a fog of  pseudo-intellectual self-critique and an 'Emperor's New Clothes' effect is created- daring individuals to risk ridicule by admitting what they've heard makes no sense to them and allowing bullshi