SPRING! [01]

That was a hard winter! -Not so much about the weather, just hard work. It wasn't until mid February that my first Care-leaver-lodger was assigned to me so the first dosh I received was four months later than I'd been told it would come and was actually only 25% of what I had budgeted for.  Its now two months later and things are finally where they should have been since October: I'm 'Rigsby' to a couple of lads who've been in care. Things seem absolutely fine and I think that slowly I am being a positive influence. Its all very risk-aversion-orientated: monthly meets with Social Workers asking set questions that made me realise I'm probably very lucky with my current 'wards'. 

I flunked on my fantasies of focusing on the kids as my employment as I ran out of things to tell my mortgage company circling like a Great White Shark waiting for a chance to snap up my house. So I jumped into the  job hunt like an albeit Keyboard warrior, only to have the usual experience of applying for jobs where I match the Person Specification and take care to illustrate that in my submissions... The only interview I've had was to run a community centre on the other side of the city near the end of the metro or, once I got a car, along one of the roads to be regularly jammed with traffic. Apart from that, I don't know the community I'd be serving and would have to take some time to get to know them and what they need/want before getting properly started. It was a good interview. When they called to tell me I'd not been offered the job they had the grace to say that it was the only thing that separated me from the person they did select. The ONLY???? I thought lol, but I would not have stayed there if something better came along.

I've not been short-listed for jobs I KNOW I could do and I dare-say in more than one instance, the people for whom I'd be working knew that too. I've whinged on before about this, but; my reputation preceeds me!... I realise that I am happy with that: I have been effective in all my jobs; I can say and prove that I left every organisation I served in a better financial and operational position than before my service. I have clashed with people who've obstructed those aims regardless of who they thought they might have been. I have rarely been wrong and when I have I have owned my mistakes. If that reputation frightens potential employers they do me a service by not interviewing me!... It still feel like an insult.

I've applied for entry-level admin jobs and been told I was too big for the job even though I played down my executive experience and assured them sincerely that I would do the job to the best of my ability. There has only been one job so far about which I got very excited. I worked harder than on any previous application and was meticulous in linking my work experience with the Person Specification. I am gutted to realise the deadline was about ten days ago and I've not heard anything from them.

It is hard to believe that I am washed up at 58! When given the opportunity, I make things happen. I succeeded in my last job and was able to leave 8 months before the end of the two year contract when I found out how much I was underpaid. It may be that the way I respond to applications is old-fashioned??? Perhaps I need someone to review my appliations and guide me- which is the sort of thing I've been paid to do in the past!... I am working on a novel. Perhaps that's a way forward for me [don't laugh!]. I have plots and characters pretty clearly defined but I am paralysed by the fear of not getting the delivery right. 

At least its getting warmer.