Memento Mori

(recent events have kept me from blogging, but I wrote the odd phrase or reflection about what was happing in my work-book...)

I have been assailed by deaths of late and (yet another) reminder of my own mortality.

My 18 year old cat died after wasting away for months. I was conflicted with sadness and relief. He had been 'going downhill' for a while now- despite an unexpected rally around Christmas.

Two friends also died. One had posted a jolly note on Facebook a month or so before saying he'd been diagnosed with something neurological that I didn't look up but he joked that any maudlin posts would be severely dealt with. I didn't realise how imminent his end was going to be. It had been years since we'd even spoken but we facebooked.

My shock at the news of my other friend's death was compounded by finding out he had lain undiscovered for six days. Yes; he lived alone, but he was one of the most 'connected' people I know, with friends all over UK and Europe. It transpired that he was instantly missed, but everyone thought he was with someone else. He was an almost archetypal (Gay) hippie. He was also an expert on Permaculture and passionate about community and low impact living. We'd briefly been lovers in a typically radical three-way relationship about 15 years ago- when I was invited by both him and his long term lover -with whom I was equally close to join them, it seemed like a great idea, the fact that this proposal happened in the almost fairytale Laurieston Hall made it seem in now way out of the ordinary. Fortunately, before we made permanent changes, they came down from Yorkshire and spent some time with me in my Covent Garden flat. The bright lights of London and the proximity of Soho were too big a draw for our other partner and everything nearly fell apart. Brian, being Brian was probably the biggest reason equilibrium was restored. My contribution to his funeral service included the observation that I had never seen him angry, apparently that was everyone else's experience of him too. 

It was his heart in the end. He'd been prescribed medication for some time, but he didn't like its effects on him so he was ambivalent about taking them. He felt that quality was more important than quantity of life. I am sure I would not like to linger like my cat did.

I was not able to go to London for the funeral. I had to present an event to close the Big Lottery Fund project I coordinated last year. Since being at my new job, I have not focused on anything else and if I put this "launch" event back again I might have had to repay the grant! See here.  Supportive friends helped me form a community interest company when I was made redundant from Intercultural Arts (Voluntarily) and they rallied to help make the presentation to a dozen people at Dance City. I would have MUCH preferred to have been at Central Station in London drinking and drumming with the assembled Lauriestonians.

Oh- and I had a (mini) stroke! [more of that in subsequent posts]