Christmas 2021

I rarely do anything out of my usual routine for Christmas. I don't eat meat (fish sometimes), I don't like getting stuffed full of food anyway, I am single, childless and try my best to avoid being invited to 'Christmas celebrations' with well meaning friends who erroneously imagine me pining away like Johnny Nomates. Hmmm... it is true that I often get pangs of boyfriendlessness around this time of year, but it is what it is. In fact I am a bit of a coward: Christmas gatherings too often hide tensions which are released by excess alcohol etc. My lodger will be spending at least a few days with his father so as long as I could count on a supply of festive greens, I expected to be content. In 2022 I expect to be caring for a foster child- that will be different: I've always said that if I had a kid to look after I would go all out to make Christmas and New Year as magical as I could.

There was talk that my friend who has been experiencing a brutal divorce for almost TWO YEARS with another one in sight might come up, today he confirmed his intentions to come just before Christmas and to leave just after New Year. Of course I am pleased- both to see him and that he won't spend another miserable Christmas avoiding his wife and hostile daughter. His son has moved in with my friend's father rather than endure the atmosphere in the home, he caught his mother rifling through his father's wallet and when he challenged her, she told him to 'fuck off and mind [his] own business', so he did.

Their marriage has been 'in trouble' for as long as I have known my friend! I persuaded him to get her to go to 'Relate' counselling where, through the counsellor, she accepted that she had a good life largely because of her husband who does not mistreat her, provides for her and is a good father. it turned out that she craved more drama, she wanted (?) someone who would be more mean to her. She did not respect him because he gave her what she wanted. She found him boring. For several years after the counselling, things seemed to be alright but now it isn't again and he has had enough. I've had little intimate emotional experience with women, but it is interesting to note how similar the vindictiveness of this woman is to my former (?) 'Bubble mate' who has now not joined  my other BM and me for three months as she is waiting for an apology for being called out for her own bad behaviour (which is what happened previously with me). The difference here is that she has a longer relationship with our other bubble mate- they're ex lovers from years back. She expects the world to be exactly as she wants it to be- starting with her family and friends. People tend to let her have her own way- for a quiet life and she has become used to being aquiesced to. Her children choose to keep issues of import from her because she has a tendency... -No: she can be counted on to overreact and to make any situation or issue about her. My friend's wife is very similar, but with added vindictiveness: she is trying to goad her husband to actions which she feels will enhance her case when they finally go to court, I think she would love him to assault her.

So, it will be much better for him to come here! He has 'romantic' ideas of trips to castles etc as he did when he visited before, I've been trying to manage his expectations by reminding him that although it has been 'mild' of late, it IS December and we are in the north (east) of the country at Christmas, with a pandemic rolling, so he should not expect everything to be open and accessible. I find myself now trying to find out what will be happening from Christmas to New Year to draft a tentative itinerary. !!! Perhaps I could actually arrange something for New Year's Eve that actually happens this time!

My lecturer friend also contacted me with notions of visiting 'in the new year' so I might have quite a full dance card this 'holiday season'!